THE  GENIUS 
W.C.d.   Mille 


LIBRARY 

OP 


GENIUS 


LIAM  C.  and  CECIL  B.  de  MILLE 


FRENIH5  STANDARD 


THE  REJUVENATION  OF  AUNT  MARY. 

fJS£  faaSrhB   ^"J^.y  in  thfee  acts,  by  Anne  Warner.     7  males    6 
females.    Three  interior  scenes.     Costumes  modern.     Plays  2%  hou'rs 

1  n 


™ne  nny   C°medy   With 


Aunt  Mary"  was  played  by  May  Robson  in  New  York  and  on  tour 

VerwT  tyCarST  and  ^  1S  SUr^  t0  be  a  big  success  whererS  pr/ 
We  strongly  recommend  it.  Price,  69  Cents. 

MRS.  BUMSTEAD-LEIGH. 


ffi'S^isfSS"'  "-.«-'»ss«u' 

^SPjsssiaa*  was  tourcd  for  scveralpssr6«byc^ 

MRS.  TEMPLE'S  TELEGRAM. 


tangled  web  we  weave  when  first  we  practice  to  deceive/* 
There  is  not  a  dull  moment  in  the  entire  farce    and 

*-  -«» 


THE  NEW  CO-ED. 


(TheAbove  Are  Subject  to   Royalty  When   Produced) 
SAMUEL  FRENCH,  28-30  West  38th  Street.  New  York  City 

New   and   Explicit  Describe   Catalogue   Mill*!   Few  ••  tap* 


THE  GENIUS 


A  Comedy  in  Three  Acts 


By 
WILLIAM  C.  and  CECIL  B.  de  MILLE 

Copyright,  1904,  By  William  C.  de  Mille  and 
Cecil  B.  de  Mille 

All  Eights  Eeserved 


CAUTION; — Professionals  and  amateurs  are  hereby 
warned  that  "THE  GENIUS,"  being  fully  protected 
under  the  copyright  laws  of  the  United  States,  ia 
subject  to  royalty,  and  any  one  presenting  the  play 
without  the  consent  of  the  authors  or  their  author- 
ized agents,  will  be  liable  to  the  penalties  by  law 
provided.  Applications  for  the  acting  rights  must  be 
made  to  Samuel  French,  28-30  West  38th  St,  New 
York,  N.  T. 


SAMUEL   FRENCH 

PUBLISHES 

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LONDON 

SAMUEL    FRENCH,   LTD. 

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STRAND 


LIBRARY 
WH3Q5&SITY  OP  CALIFORNIA 


' 


Especial  notice  should  be  taken  that  the  possession  of 
this  book  without  a  valid  contract  for  production 
first  having  been  obtained  from  the  publisher  con- 
fers no  right  or  license  to  professionals  or  amateurs 
to  produce  the  play  publicly  or  in  private  for  gain 
or  charity. 

IB  its  present  form  this  play  is  dedicated  to  the  reading; 
public  only  and  no  performance  of  it  may  be  given 
except  by  special  arrangement  with  Samuel  French, 
88-30  West  Thirty-eighth  Street,  New  York  City. 

Section  28 — That  any  person  who  wilfully  or  for  profit 
shall  infringe  any  copyright  secured  by  this  act,  or 
who  shall  knowingly  and  wilfully  aid  or  abet  such 
infringement,  shall  be  deemed  guilty  of  a  misdemea- 
er,  and  upon  conviction  shall  be  punished  by  im- 
prisonment for  not  exceeding  one  year,  or  by  a  fine 
or  not  less  than  one  hundred  nor  more  than  one 
thousand  dollars,  or  both,  in  the  discretion  of  the 
•ourt. 

Act  of  March  4,  1909. 


THE  GENIUS 


CHARACTERS 

JACK  SPENCER    -    -    -    -    -  A  Man. 

VICTOR  LEMERCIER    -    -    -  A  Painter. 
OTTO  VOGELSBURGER  -  -  -      A  Musician. 
BRIAN  MCGONIGAL    -    -    -  A  Sculptor. 
PERCIVAL    CLUTTERBUCK    -  A  Connoisseur. 
CYRIL  FARQUHAR  -    -    -    -A  Would-be  Artist. 

CYRUS  JENKINS    -    -    -    -  A  Business  man. 

NELL  GRAHAM    -----#  Model. 

JOSEPHINE  VAN  DUSEN     -  A  Dilettante. 
LILLY  SCOTT   ------  A  School  Girl. 

MRS.   VAN  DUSEN    -    -    -  A  Mother. 
Miss  TREVOR    -    .    -    -    -  A  Society  Girl. 
MRS.  VAN  BROWN-SMYTHE  A  Lady. 

PLACE  :-New  York  City. 
Present. 


THE  GENIUS 

SYNOPSIS  OF  SCENES 

ACT  I:- 

Studio  of  the  three  artists  on  Washing- 
ton Square. 

ACT  Hi- 
Studio  of  the  Genius  on  Fifth  Avenue. 
Two  weeks  later. 

ACT  III:- 

An  Art  Exhibition  room.     One  week 
later. 


THE   GENIUS 


SCENE  i-Studio  of  OTTO,  VICTOR  and  BRIAN  on 
Washington  Square  South.  A  dingy,  bare* 
looking  room.  Windows  back  *.  c.  and  L.  c 
Door  to  bedroom  R.  3  E.  Door  to  hall  L.  I.  m. 
Stove  R.  r.  E.  Platform  made  of  dry  good* 
boxes  at  back  between  windows.  Plain  table 
down  R.  c.,  with  three  dilapidated  carved  oak 
chairs.  Piano  in  upper  left  hand  corner. 
Piano  stool  in  front  of  it.  m,  c.  Easel  with 
unfinished  picture  of  Cleopatra.  Stool  in  front 
of  easel  and  stand  left  of  it  on  which  art 
brushes,  palettes,  etc.  Revolving  sculpture 
stand  L.  c.,  with  unfinished  figure  of  Cleopa- 
tra in  clay.  Left  of  this  a  small  stand  with 
sculptor's  tools  and  modelling  clay. 
In  front  of  L.  c.  windows  a  box  on  which  are, 
musical  manuscripts  and  two  or  three  bound 
scores.  R.  of  R.  c.  window  a  box  on  which  art 
plates,  cups,  saucers,  {sauce  pans,  etc.  Un~ 
framed  pictures  are  hung  on  the  wall  wher- 
ever possible.  One  or  two  pieces  of  ragged 
but  artistic  drapery  over  windows.  A  bust 
in  plaster  on  piano.  Large  cast  of  human  arm 
on  wall.  View  through  window  shows  Park 
and  Washington  Arch.  Shade  drawn  over 
window  R.  c.  but  up  on  the  other.  Floor  of 
room  unpointed  with  a  couple  of  worn-out 
rugs.  Plaster  casts  about  room. 
7 


g  THE  GENIUS 

DISCOVERED  :~At  rise  empty  stage.  A  moment's 
pause  then  OTTO  enters  from  R.  3  *•  He  «  * 
large,  portly  German  about  forty  years  old. 
He  wears  his  hair  fairly  long,  and  has  a  jolly, 
good.natured  face.  He  is  dressed  in  old 
trousers  and  flowing  tie  and  has  on  an  old 
long  red  dressing  gown.  He  speaks  with  a 
strong  accent.  He  yawns  as  he  comes  in,  and 
crosses  to  window  R.  c. 

OTTO      (Looking  out  of  window)     So!  Vonct 
more  der  sun.     (Crosses  to  box  up  R.  and  takes  a 
tin  cake  box;  out  of  it  takes  a  coffee  box  which  he 
opens,    looks   into   and    holds   upside   down   ant 
shakes.)    Ve  haf  squeezed  it  dry.     (Takes  out  tea 
box  and  does  same   business.)     Null   und   void-- 
(Takes  out  Uneeda  wrapper   and   peers  into   its 
depth.)    Empty  is  der  cradle-  (Putting  it  down.) 
So  much  for  der  larder— now  for  der  treasury- 
(Comes  down  to  R,  'side  of  table  and  sits  emptying 
his  pockets.    He  takes  out  an  assortment  of  small 
things  and  lays  them  on  the  table.  While  he  is  doing 
this  VICTOR  enters  R.  3  *•    He  is  a  thin,  nervous 
Frenchman,  and   is  dressed  in  faded   trousers    a 
negligee  shirt,  no  tie,  and  a  dilapidated  velvet  jacket. 
He  crosses  to  window  and  looks  out.     He  speaks 
with  a  French  accent,  and,  at  present  in  very  moun 
ful  tone.) 

VICTOR.     (Looking  out  of  window.)  Ah,  Otto, 
haf  you  seen  ze  Sun? 

OTTO.     (Still  searching  his  pockets.)  Ja. 


THE  GENIUS  9 


(  Victor  crosses  to  box  up  R.,  examines  the  empty 
boxes  which  OTTO  has  left  open,  picks  one  up 
and  shakes  it;  then  comes  down  L.  of  table 
emptying  his  pockets.  OTTO  has  found  a  pipe 
and  some  tobacco.  He  fills  the  pipe  and  begins 
to  smoke  while  VICTOR  is  emptying  his  pocketst 
and  during  this,  BRIAN  enters  from  door  R. 
E.  He  goes  at  once  to  the  empty  tiris,  ex- 
amines them  and  then  turns,  comes  down  be- 
hind table,  starting  to  empty  his  pockets;  he 
is  dressed  in  old  trousers,  shirt  and  vest,  wears 
a  linen  collar  and  has  his  sleeves  rolled  up — 
he  does  not  wear  a  coat — he  is  a  young  Irish- 
man, a  gentleman,  and  speaks  with  a  slight 
accent,  but  not  a  regular  brogue.  As  he  starts 
to  sit  the  others  stop  him.} 

OTTO.     Wait,  Brian,  you  didn't  look  at  der  sun. 

BRIAN.  And  what's  the  use  of  looking  at  the 
sun?  You  can't  eat  it. 

VICTOR.  (Dolefully)  He  is  all  we  have  in  ze 
house. 

BRIAN.  I  say,  Otto,  you  had  three  dollars 
yesterday. 

OTTO.  Ja,  my  sohn,  but  I  had  to  pay  der  piano 
rent. 

VICTOR.    And  so  we  have  a  piano  for  breakfast. 

BRIAN.  (Turning  to  clay  stand  and  removing 
covering  on  figure.)  I'd  rather  have  coffee  and 
rolls. 

OTTO.  But  I  must  haf  my  piano;  I  am  not  yet 
such  a  genius  dot  I  can  compose  a  Sonata  on  der 


io  THE  GENIUS 

window  sill. 
VICTOR.    In  short,  my  friends,  we  are  again,  at 

zay  say  in  zis  country,  "up  against  him." 

OTTO.  Ve  haf  been  "up  against  him"  so  long  I 
should  think  he'd  be  tired. 

BRIAN.  (At  stand.)  Well,  cheer  up,  boys.  Luck't 
got  to  turn  soon. 

OTTO.  Dot  is  all  a  mistake;  der  only  kind  of 
luck  dot  is  sure  to  turn,  is  good  luck. 

VICTOR.  He  is  right.  Brian,  we  have  come  to 
ze  end. 

BRIAN.  (Back  of  table)  Oh,  buck  up,  boys,  the 
darkest  hour  comes  just  before  the  dawn. 

OTTO.  Veil,  I  guess  dis  is  one  of  dose  Arctic 
nights  vich  last  six  months. 

BRIAN.  (Crosses  to  piano)  There  must  be 
something  we  can  sell.  (Looks  and  point  over  at 
music  on  piano) 

OTTO.  You  needn't  look  at  dot  Wagner,  because 
I  simply  won't  do  it.  (BRIAN  crosses  c.)  I  sold 
der  Italian  composers,  und  der  French  composers, 
und  Schubert,  und  Chopin — but  I  von't  sell  dot 
Wagner  until — until  dinner  time,  anyhow. 

BRIAN,  (c.  pointing  to  picture  on  wall  R. )  Well 
there's  that  "Summer"  of  yours,  VICTOR,  the  dealer 
offered  you  five  dollars  for  it. 

VICTOR.  (Starting  to  his  feet)  Ah,  sacre  bleuf 
Five  dollars  for  ze  masterpiece  of  my  life — non,  I 
will  starve;  I  will  die  wiz  my  arms  around  ze  pic- 
ture —  five  dollars !  (Stands  looking  at  picture  R. 
crosses  R.) 

OTTO.  (BRIAN  goes  to  easel)  Also!  Don't  get 
excited!  It  improves  der  appetite.  Now — 


THE  GENIUS  n 

(Pointing  to  cdst  of  arm  on  well)  Dot  Angclo  cast 
of  yours,  BRIAN — 

BRIAN.  (Comes  center)  I  say,  we  discussed 
that  before.  I  brought  it  all  the  way  from  Florence, 
and  I'm  not  going  to  sell  it  for  a  meal — that  goes — 
(Snapping  his  fingers)  like  that! 

OTTO.    Ja — but,  it's  such  a  comfort  vile  it's  going. 

BRIAN.  Will  you  toss  up  and  see  which  of  the 
three  things  goes? 

VICTOR.  NON,  I  will  starve!  (Sits  —  back  of 
table) 

OTTO.  I  vill  not  for  two  reasons ;  firstly,  I  von't 
put  der  immortal  Wagner  on  der  flip  of  a  coin; 
second,  ve  haf  no  coin  to  flip. 

BRIAN.  Then  I  guess  we'll  cut  breakfast,  and 
wait  for  something  to  turn  up.  (Sits) 

OTTO.  (Striking  light  for  his  pipe)  Der  first 
thing  dot  turns  up  vill  be  our  toes. 

BRIAN.  Well,  come  on,  boys,  let's  get  to  work 
and  forget  ourselves.  (Starts  modeling.  All  thrct 
up  and  start  working) 

OTTO.  (Crossing  to  piano)  I  am  going  to  com- 
pose a  symphony  to  hunger. 

VICTOR.    It  is  almost  time  for  Nell  to  come. 

BRIAN.  By  jingo!  I  forgot  Nell.  (VICTOR  crosses 
at  back  of  easel)  I  say,  how  can  we  pay  her  for 
posing? 

OTTO.  (At  Piano)  Don't  get  excited,  der  is  a. 
von  dollar  bill  in  my  hat  band. 

BRIAN.     In  your  hat  band? 

OTTO.  Ja.  I  vos  afraid  I  might  forget  it  YIS 
Nell's  salary. 

BRIAN.     She  mustn't  know  how  hard  up  we  are, 


12  THE  GENIUS 

if  she  did,  she  wouldn't  take  a  cent  from  us.  and 
it's  about  all  she  has  to  live  on. 

VICTOR.  (Up  R.  c.  and  down  c.  Going  over  and 
bringing  plates  etc.  to  easel.)  Ah!  she  will  not 
know.  I  will  paint  ze  remains  of  food  on  ze  plates. 

BRIAN.  (Crosses  to  VICTOR)  Victor,  my  boy, 
you're  a  bit  emotional,  but  at  times  you're  a  positive 
genius. 

VICTOR.  (To  work  painting  plates)  Perhaps, 
but  zere  is  no  money  in  being  a  genius. 

BRIAN.  (Back  to  clay)  That's  true  enough;  to 
be  successful  here  one  must  be  fashionable. 

OTTO.  (At  piano  writing  music)  Ja.  If  we 
tould  get  dot  Percival  Qutterbuck  to  make  a  few 
nice  speeches  about  us,  it  would  be  easy. 

BRIAN.  (R.  c.)  Percival  Clutterbuck!  Why, 
he  doesn't  know  the  difference  between  a  Michael 
Angelo  and  a  Michael  Flaherty. 

VICTOR.  (L.  c.  Sarcastically)  Ah,  but  he  is  a 
(connoisseur.  What  he  praises  ze  people  buy. 

BRIAN.  Well,  I  hope  he  praises  this  stuff  of  ours. 
(To  OTTO)  He  is  coming  this  morning  to  look  at 
it. 

VICTOR.    "This  morning"  ? 

OTTO.  Don't  be  alarmed,  he  ron't  like  it — it's 
too  good. 

BRIAN.     Cheerful  thought,  eh,  Victor? 

VICTOR.  It  is  true.  I  would  have  sold  zat 
"Summer" —  (Points  to  picture  R.)  for  a  thousand 
dollaire,  if  he  had  not  said  it  was  bad. 

OTTO.  Say,  children,  ve  von't  talk  about  him,  it 
makes  me  so  mad.  I  can't  compose  anything  but 
discords. 


THE  GENIUS  13 

VICTOR.  Ah,  here!  (Crosses  c.  showing  plates) 
We  have  been  enjoying  bacon  and  eggs. 

BRIAN.  By  Jove!  Victor,  they're  great.  I  feel 
as  if  I  had  been  eating  them !  (VICTOR  crosses  to 
table) 

OTTO.     So  much  for  imagination I  don't. 

VICTOR.  (To  easel)  Otto,  you  haf  no  romance 
in  your  soul,  you  miss  ze  finest  part  of  your  life. 

OTTO.  I  miss  my  breakfast,  all  der  art  in  der 
vorlds  cannot  take  der  place  of  von  little  mutton 
chop. 

BRIAN.     (At  stand)    OTTO,  ye're  no  idealist 

OTTO.  My  sohn,  Idealism  has  its  boundaries,  und 
breakfast  is  outside  der  limit.  Ideals  belong  in  der 
head.  Der  digestive  apparatus  rejects  dem  with 

scorns,  und  means "Ve  cry  for  chops, — und  you 

give  us  ideals."  (Outside  a  whistle  in  heard.  Sieg- 
fried's call.  All  men  sigh) 

VICTOR.  Ah — It  is  NELL.  (Oxro  answers 
whistle  ) 

BRIAN.  (VICTOR  and  BRIAN  stand  C.)  Now 
look  as  happy  as  you  'can.  (  The  halldoor  is  opened 
and  NELL  enters.  She  has  on  a  long  ulster-like} 
garment  which  covers  her  dress  underneath.  She 
has  a  paper  package  in  her  hand  which  she  lays  on 
stool  c.) 

NELL.  Hello,  everybody.  (Kisses  OTTO)  You 
boys  are  up  early  this  morning.  (Crosses  to  c. 
VICTOR  and  BRIAN  look  uneasy)  How  long  have 
you  been  through  breakfast? 

OTTO  (L.  c.)  Since  half  past  eight  o'clock — 
(Aside)  —  yesterday. 

NELL.     (c.  noticing  dishes)     Ah,  but  the  dishes 


I4  THE  GENIUS 

haven't  been  washed — (Tucking  up  her  sleeves) 
Well,  I'll  do  them  for  you.  (The  three  men  look- 
stop  her) 

OTTO.     No — not  now,  let  dem  wait. 

NELL.  No,  indeed.  Haven't  I  brought  you  up 
better  than  that?  (Starts  for  the  dishes.  They 
again  stop  her) 

OTTO.     Vait — don't  touch  them. 

NELL.    Why  what  on  earth  is  the  matter? 

OTTO.  Vy — you  see,  ve  are  just  thinking  of  oui 
inspirations — und  don't  vant  to  talk  about  dishes. 

NELL.  Ho — ho — tell  that  to  the  papers  and  not 
to  me.  (She  starts  to  crtiss  to  the  plates  amid  wild 
glances  from  the  three  men.  To  OTTO)  I  know 
what  it  is.  You've  been  eating  something  that  FTC 
forbidden.  (She  sees  the  plates  and  takes  one  up. 
Looks  reproachfully  at  each  of  the  three  men  who 
cannot  meet  her  eye.  VICTOR  posing  stand) 

OTTO.  (Sits  on  piano  stool)  Ja.  You  see — 
Victor  and  Brian,  dot  is,  some  von  told  dem — dot 
oil  paint — had  a  peculiar  flavor — und — 

NELL.  (Shaking  her  head)  Oh,  boys,  boys, 
why  didn't  you  tell  me  before? 

BRIAN.    Tell  ye  what,  Nell? 

NELL.    That  you  were  down  to  your  last  cent. 

BRIAN.  (Cros'ses  up  to  posing  stand)  No,  we're 
not.  Here's  Otto  now,  has  so  much  money  his 
pockets  won't  hold  it.  He  has  to  keep  it  in  his  hat 
(He  takes  OTTO'S  hat  from  piano  and  extracts  a 
dollar  bill  from  hat-band.  Half  holds  money  to 
NELL  then  joins  VICTOR) 

NELL.  (R.  c.)  And  you've  been  giving  me 
money  every  week — 


THE  GENIUS  15 

VICTOR.  But  it  was  economy,  any  other  model 
would  haf  cost  twice  as  much. 

NELL.  (Crossing  to  OTTO)  And  I'm  very  angry 
with  you. 

OTTO.  (BRIAN  crosses  to  sculpture)  I  don't  see 
vy  ? 

XTELL.  Why!  Because  you  haven't  treated  me 
fairly.  You  give  me  my  share  of  all  the  good  things, 
and  I  want  my  share  of  the  troubles,  too. 

OTTO.  But  trouble  is  peculiar,  because  der  more 
you  give  to  other  people — der  more  you've  got  your- 
self. 

NELL.  You  promised  my  father  that  I  should 
be  like  your  own  daughter,  and  yet  the  minute 
things  go  wrong  you  don't  tell  me  a  word  about  it. 

OTTO.  Nell,  ven  I  first  came  to  America  und 
vas  really  hard  up,  your  father  had  nothing  him- 
self but  he  gave  me  half  of  it,  and  afterwards  he 
gave  me  der  best  gift  of  all ;  der  little  girl  who  has 
made  sunshine  in  der  life  of  three  poor  devils  who 
are  happy  as  long  as  she  is  happy — 

NELL.  And  the  only  way  you  can  make  her 
happy,  is  not  to  keep  things  from  her. 

BRIAN.  Sure  Nell,  we  don't  keep  things  from 
you.  If  it  weren't  for  you  there  wouldnt*  be  a 
button  on  any  of  us,  but  what's  the  use  of  worryin' 
you  with  business  and  money  and  all  that? 

NELL.  (Crossing  to  Painter's  stool  —  gets  pie) 
Well,  I'm  going  to  heap  coals  of  fire  on  your  head; 
what  do  you  suppose  I've  got  for  you?  (Taking  up 
paper  parcel — to  c.) 

BRIAN.  A  sofa  pillow  —  (NELL  shakes  her  head) 

VICTOR.    A  lace  (centre-piece  —  (NELL  laughs — 


16  THE  GENIUS 

goes  down  L.) 

OTTO.  Vait — I  bet  it's  a  pair  of  slippers  for  dear 
old  man — 

NELL.     No,  better  than  that.    A  pie! 

VICTOR  &  BRIAN.    "A  pie?" 

OTTO.  Ach  Gott!  (The  three  men  come  down 
eagerly) 

NELL.  I  made  it  for  you  myself  —  (Gives  pie 
to  OTTO.  Crosses  L.) 

OTTO.  (BRIAN  and  VICTOR  rush  for  pie)  A  pie ! 
(Holding  the  pie)  Hold  on!  Von  at  a  time!  (Oiro 
to  table.  BRIAN  to  stool  for  compass.  VICTOR  to 
easel  for  rule.  They  bring  out  compasses,  measure 
and  divide  the  pie  on  table  R.)  Look  out!  A  little 
more  dis  vay — too  much,  etc.  (To  NELL)  You  will 
haf  some,  Nell? 

NELL.  (Laughing)  No  thank  you.  My  doctor 
has  sat  down  on  pie.  (The  three  men  eat  with 
signs  of  delight) 

BRIAN.    Nell,  you're  the  queen  of  cooks. 

VICTOR.  Mais  oui  —  (Holding  up  piece  of  pie) 
I  eat  your  health. 

OTTO.     (Eating)  Dot  pie  is  a  symphonic  poem — 

NELL.  Oh!  What  did  the  publishers  say  about 
the  Sonata? 

OTTO.  Dey  vare  very  kind  in  pointing  out 
'der  defects.  It  seems,  der  first  part  is  too  much 
like  Grieg;  der  middle  suggests  Richard  Strauss, 
und  der  last  movement  is  taken  almost  entirely  from 
Wagner. 

NELL.    But  it  isn't  at  all.     (On  easel  stool) 

OTTO.  I  have  been  apologizing  to  dose  three 
masters  ever  since. 


THE  GENIUS  17 

BRIAN.  I  say,  OTTO,  why  don't  ye  do  something 
popular  as  a  pot  boiler? 

OTTO.  It's  no  use.  I  tried  to — I  started  to  com- 
pose a  rag-time  song  called  "My  Moonfaced  Baby," 
but  after  der  first  few  bars,  I  said:  No!  If  I  must 
die — I  vant  an  easier  death.  Ach  Gott !  Der  dreams 
I  had— 

VICTOR.  Ah !  Some  day  we  will  get  even  wiz  z« 
public. 

NELL.  Don't  blame  the  public.  It's  not  their 
fault,  poor  dears.  They're  ready  to  like  your  work 
if  the  experts  would  let  them. 

BRIAN.  Don't  say  that,  Nell.  If  you  once  admit 
the  public  has  any  taste,  what  becomes  of  the 
hundreds  of  bad  artists,  whose  one  excuse  is  that 
their  work  is  too  artistic  to  be  popular? 

OTTO.  Hold  on!  I  object.  (Rise)  Der  conversa- 
tion is  getting  too  near  home  to  be  enjoyable.  Let's 
get  to  work —  (NELL  Crosses  u.  c.  OTTO  crosses 
to  piano.  VICTOR  to  easel) 

BRIAN.  All  right.  Come  on,  Nell.  (To  model- 
ing  stand.  To  NELL.)  Lend  us  your  head  — 

NELL.    Are  you  ready  for  me? 

VICTOR.  Please.  (NELL  goes  to  platform,  re- 
moves her  ulster,  and  appears  in  costume  of  Cleo- 
patra. During  the  next  scene  she  poses  for  the  two 
men) 

NELL.    Who's  first? 

VICTOR  and  BRIAN.  Mine,  please.  (They  look 
at  each  other) 

VICTOR.    Oh,  all  right,  after  you,  my  dear  Brian. 

BRIAN.  Thank  you,  my  dear  Victor.  (Outside 
an  automobile  is  heard  to  come  up) 


i8  THE  GENIUS 

AUTO  HORN  L. 

VICTOR.  (Up  to  window  L.  c.  Putting  up  shade 
of  window)  I  say,  zere  is  an  automobile  in  front 
of  zis  house. 

OTTO.     (At  piano)  It's  not  mine. 

VICTOR.  (At  window)  Zere  is  a  man  coming  in 
here. 

BRIAN.     Is  it  Clutterbuck? 

VICTOR.    Non. 

OTTO.  Ach  Gott !  Maybe  it's  a  patron.  Come 
boys,  get  busy.  (The  three  men  start  to  work,  foot- 
steps are  heard  outside,  then  a  knock  at  the  door. 
VICTOR  starts  to  open  it.  OTTO  stops  him.  OTTO, 
in  a  whisper)  Hold  on!  Let  him  knock  again. 
(The  three  men  at  work.  The  knock  is  repeated) 
Come  in.  (The  door  opens  and  Jack  Spencer 
enters.  Young,  healthy  American  type,  dressed  in 
a  long  automobile  coat) 

JACK.     Good  morning,  gentlemen. 

THREE  ARTISTS.    Good  morning. 

JACK.  I'm  looking  for  some  artists.  I  saw  your 
cards  outside  and  thought  I'd  consult  you. 

OTTO.    So?  Vot  is  der  name  of  der  artists? 

JACK.  Oh,  I'm  not  particular — you  are  artists, 
aren't  you?  (To  c.) 

OTTO.     We  are  trying  to  convince  der  public  of 

it 

JACK.    Well,  do  you  ever  take  pupils? 

VICTOR.  (Rising  from  easel)  Sure.  (OTTO 
pulls  him  down  into  stand) 

OTTO.  (Frowns  at  him  and  puts  on  air  of  in- 
difference) Oh,  ve  sometimes  take  a  pupil,  dot  is, 
if  he  tinks  he  has  promise.  (VICTOR  comes  down 


THE  GENIUS  19 

and  sits  left) 

JACK.  Well,  if  you'll  take  me,  I'll  promise  any- 
thing. (BRIAN  comes  D.) 

OTTO.    So  you  vant  to  study  Art? 

JACK,      (c.)  Yes. 

OTTO.  (To  JACK)  Also!  Vat  branch?  Painting, 
sculpture,  music? 

JACK.  What  is  the  cheapest?  Oh,  it  doesn't 
matter  to  me — I'll  study  whichever  I  can  learn 
quickest.  The  point  is,  that  I  have  got  to  have  some 
art,  and  I've  got  to  have  it  P.  D.  Q.  (VICTOR  rises. 
BRIAN  down  D.  c.  The  three  artists  look  at  one  an- 
other) 

OTTO.  But,  my  dear  sir,  although  art  is  suppos- 
ed to  be  feminine,  she  cannot  be  wooed  and  won 
in  a  week. 

JACK.  Well,  I  don't  know  anything  about  it,  but 
I  thought  that  if  I  worked  hard,  I  might  pick  up 
enough  in  a  month  to  get  along  with. 

OTTO.  Von  month!  Du  lieber  Gott!  Do  you 
know  what  Art  is  ? 

JACK.     No.  That's  just  what  I'm  here  to  learn. 

OTTO.    But  vy  are  you  in  such  a  hurry? 

JACK.  Well,  it's  rather  a  long  story,  but  I  guess 
if  you'll  hear  it,  I'd  better  confide  in  you. 

OTTO.  Sure,  ve'll  hear  it.  Ven  a  man  vants  to 
learn  Art  in  von  month,  he  must  have  a  story  worth 
listening  to. 

JACK.  By-the-way,  I  forgot  to  introduce  my- 
self. My  name  is  Spencer — Jack  Spencer. 

OTTO.  Happy  to  meet  you.  Mine  is  Vogelsbur- 
ger.  (Shake  hands)  Dis  is  Mr.  McGonigal,  Mr. 
Le  Mercier  und  our  ward  Miss  Graham.  (The 


20  THE  GENIUS 

two  men  bow.    JACK  offers  to  shake  hands) 

BRIAN.  Look  out!  I've  been  making  mud  pies. 
(JACK  shakes  his  wrist.  BRIAN  to  chair  L.  of  tablt. 
VICTOR  crosses  to  JACK) 

VICTOR.    It  is  a  great  honaire. 

IN  ELL.     Shall  I  be  in  the  way? 

JACK.  Not  on  your  life.  I  should  like  to  have 
you  stay,  if  you  don't  mind.  You  see  my  case  is 
one  where  a  feminine  mind  might  be  useful — 

OTTO.  Besides,  Miss  Graham  is  a  full  partner 
in  all  ve  do — so  now  for  der  story.  (JACK  crosses 
to  sculpter's  stool,  NELL  to  posing  stand,  VICTOR 
brings  piano  stool  down  L.  OTTO  brings  painter's 
stool  L.  c.) 

JACK.  (Offering  cigar's)  You  don't  mind,  Miss 
Graham?  (She  shakes  her  head.  To  men)  Then 
try  one  of  these  —  (To  OTTO  and  VICTOR)  — 
they're  not  bad.  (JACK,  VICTOR  and  OTTO  light 
cigar) 

VICTOR.  (Aside  to  OTTO  — showing  cigar)  Save 
ze  band. 

JACK.    Will  you  have  one  too? 

BRIAN.    Thanks. 

JACK.    I  didn't  catch  your  name? 

BRIAN.     McGonigal. 

JACK.    That's  a  good  old  Irish  name,  isn't  it? 

BRIAN.    It  is  that. 

JACK.  (Taking  off  coat)  Can  I  trouble  you,  Mr. 
McGonigal  ? 

BRIAN.     No  trouble.     (Takes  coat  and  gloves) 

JACK.  Well,  of  course,  there's  a  girl  at  the  bottom 
of  the  whole  business. 

OTTO.     (All  sit)     Sure ! 


THE  GENIUS  21 

JACK.  And  this  girl's  a  rattler,  intellectual, 
brainy,  and  all  that  sort  of  thing,  but  a  fine  girl  in 
spite  of  it.  Now,  I'm  not  much  on  the  sentimental, 
but  I  haven't  thought  of  anything  but  that  girl  for 
a — month.  You  see,  when  a  chap's  fixed  the  way 
I  am — nothing  to  keep  him  busy — lots  of  cash,  and 
no  people  of  his  own,  there's  only  one  thing  to  do. 

OTTO.     Ja — get  some  people  of  his  own. 

JACK.  Just  so — but  now  we  come  to  the  plot. 
This  girl  has  got  what  she  calls  an  "artistic  tempera- 
ment." Of  course,  you  know  what  that  is.  (Move- 
ment from  the  others) 

OTTO.     (With  a  sigh)  Ja,  ve  do. 

JACK.  Well,  there's  another  chap  in  the  game, 
he's  sort  of  an  amateur  art  critic,  writes  for  the 
papers  and  all  that ;  he's  what  is  technically  known 
as  my  hated  rival.  He's  a  good  natured  sort  of  an 
idiot,  but,  of  course,  he  plays  the  artistic  tempera- 
ment gag  for  all  it's  worth.  Affinity  of  souls  and 
all  that,  and,  consequently  cuts  lots  of  ice.  Now, 
Art  and  temperament  and  affinities  and  all  that  are 
not  my  long  suit.  I'm  an  ordinary  sort  of  chap,  but 
I  think  a  lot  of  this  girl,  and  as  she  won't  touch 
anything  that  hasn't  got  an  artistic  finish,  I  thought 
it  was  about  up  to  me  to  learn  some  Art.  So  I  got 
up  early  this  morning,  and  here  I  am. 

OTTO.  I  suppose  everybody  in  der  vorld  runs 
up  against  some  sort  of  critic.  What  is  der  name 
of  yours? 

JACK.     His  name  is  Clutterbuck! 

THREE  ARTISTS.  (Jumping  to  their  feet)  What! 
Clutterbuck? 

JACK.     I  said  Clutterbuck.     Not  dynamite. 


22  THE  GENIUS 

OTTO.  Dot  Clutterbuck,  he  is  der  man  what 
queered  us  vit  der  public! 

JACK.     Oh,  you  know  him? 

BRIAN.    Know  him? 

VICTOR.     Mon  Dieu! 

OTTO.  Don't  say  a  vord;  if  it  is  Qutterbuck 
you're  fighting  against,  count  us  in  it. 

BRIAN.  We're  with  you.  (NELL  on  L.  corner  of 
posing  stand) 

VICTOR.  To  ze  death.  (Three  men  — Their 
chairs  up  close  to  JACK) 

JACK.  Well,  that's  fine ;  now  what  art  can  I  learn 
quickest?  I  don't  wont  it  thoroughly,  you  know, 
just  enough  to  do  a  little. 

OTTO.  But  do  you  expect  to  learn  an  art  as  if  it 
were  poker? 

JACK.  I  don't  know,  I  never  learned  poker — I 
always  knew  it.  Come,  there  must  be  some  Art 
that  isn't  so  hard. 

VICTOR.     If  zere  is,  I  haven't  found  him. 

BRIAN.    Nor  I. 

JACK.  Music  isn't  so  hard,  it  is?  Just  learning 
where  to  put  your  fingers?  (All  move  their  stools 
a  little  away) 

OTTO.  Ach  Gott!  Don't!  (NELL  amused.  VIC- 
TOR and  BRIAN  amused) 

JACK.    Well,  what  am  I  to  do  then? 

OTTO.     Dot  is  der  problem. 

BRIAN.  Nell,  you're  the  brains  of  the  party; 
what's  to  be  done? 

NELL.  (Coming  down,  'standing  with  head  on 
OTTO'S  shoulder,  between  BRIAN  and  VICTOR)  You 
say  she  has  refused  you? 


THE  GENIUS  23 

JACK.     (Rises)     Quite  emphatically. 

NELL.  And  just  because  you're  lacking  in  artistic 
temperament  ? 

JACK.    That's  the  only  reason  she  gave  me! 

NELL.    Don't  you  know  anything  about  Art? 

JACK.  Only  that  the  most  expensive  kind  is  hand 
painted. 

VICTOR.  (Springing  to  feet  and  going  to  easel) 
Mon  Dieu! 

JACK.  (Looking  at  VICTOR  surprised,  then  at 
the  others)  There  must  be  some  way  out  of  it — 
some  kind  of  "Art  in  twenty  lessons"  scheme.  Art 
while  you  wait. 

NELL.  Does  the  girl  herself  know  much  about 
art? 

JACK.  You  bet  she  does — why  I  can't  understand 
half  she  says. 

NELL.     H'm !  Let  me  think. 

JACK.  (Rising)  Let  her  think!  I  would  rather 
have  her  think,  than  you  talk. 

BRIAN.  (All  take  seats  back)  While  you're 
thinking,  do  you  mind  posing  a  bit  more?  (BwAJT 
at  stand.  VICTOR  at  easel  OTTO  at  piano.  JACM 
down  L.  c.) 

NELL.    Can  you  sing,  Mr.  Spencer? 

JACK.  I  only  tried  it  once — the  next  day  I  moved 
(NELL  to  posing  stand — back  to  table)  Believe  me, 
I've  tried  every  way  I  can  think  of  to  develop  some 
genius.  (Crosses  R.,  sits  L.  of  table) 

NELL.     Oh — genius — will  that  do? 

JACK.    Why,  yes ! 

ALL  THREE.     (Turn)     "Oh"! 

JACK.    I  thought  a  genius  was  a  chap  who  could 


24  THE  GENIUS 

do  great  things  without  half  trying ;  a  man  who  has 
a  pull  with  the  Muses. 

VICTOR.  Mon  Dieu!  Non!  A  genius  is  one  who 
can  please  ze  critics  and  ze  connoisseurs. 

BRIAN,  (c.  modeling  stand)  Sure.  A  genius  is 
a  man  who  pretends  to  be  above  the  small  things  of 
life,  so  that  someone  eles  will  do  them  for  him. 

JACK.  (R.)  But  isn't  a  genius  a  man  of  inspira- 
tion? (Rises — to  R.  c. — front  of  table — leaning 
against  it) 

OTTO.  (L.)  No,  he  is  a  man  of  perspiration. 
All  dot  inspiration  I  ever  heard  of  came  from  hard 
work,  from  sorrow  und  pain.  Dese  chaps  vat  sit 
down  und  half  a  pipe  dream  und  den  write  about 
it,  dey  are  not  geniuses — dey  are  damn  fools. 

JACK.    But  the  world  calls  them  geniuses. 

NELL.  (Change  the  pose  for  BRIAN)  The  world 
has  two  standards  for  genius;  a  man  must  either 
make  money,  or  be  some  kind  of  a  freak. 

JACK.     Well,  I've  got  lots  of  money. 

NELL.     Did  you  earn  it  yourself? 

JACK.    Some  of  it. 

NELL.    How  ? 

JACK.  Good  investments,  coppering  friendly  tips, 
and  not  spending  any  principal,  and  keeping  out  of 
life  insurance.  But  that  doesn't  seem  to  count  for 
a  hang  with  her. 

NELL.    No,  that's  not  quite  what  I  meant. 

JACK.  Then  suppose  I  try  being  a  freak.  I  can 
let  my  hair  grow — act  as  if  I  never  saw  anyone, 
and  learn  how  to  sigh,  and  look  wild-eyed.  (Walk- 
ing L.  back  R.) 

OTTO.    Dot  might  do  it. 


THE  GENIUS  25 

NELL.    But  you'd  have  to  talk  art,  and  you  can't. 

JACK.  You  three  men  all  do  things;  why  aren't 
3rou  geniuses?  Now  look  at  him — he's  wild-eyed, 
ain't  he — 

OTTO.  Because  ve  haven't  made  money,  und  ve 
are  not  freaks.  Now,  if  I  could  compose,  und  paint 
und  model  all  at  once,  I'd  be  a  genius.  Even  if  I 
couldn't  do  as  good  work  as  we  are  doing  now. 

JACK.  (Going)  Well,  then  I'm  very  sorry  that 
there's  nothing  for  me  to  do — but — by  Jingo !  (All 
''stop  work)  I've  got  a  Scheme — I  see  how  I  can 
become  a  genius.  (Come  c.) 
OTTO.  (L.  VICTOR  and  BRIAN:  "You  a  genius") 
A  genius? 

JACK.    Yes,  only  I'll  have  to  have  your  help. 

OTTO.  Also  vat  is  der  scheme?  (BRIAN  and 
VICTOR  down.  NELL  crosses  c.) 

JACK.  If  it  works,  it  will  not  only  make  me  a 
genius,  but  it  will  make  you  rich  men. 

BRIAN.     Sure,  we've  no  objection  to  that. 

JACK.     You  say  your  work  isn't  appreciated — 

VICTOR.    Non. 

JACK.  You  need  money,  and  I  need  fame,  now 
why  not  make  a  partnership  in  which  we  divide  the 
proceeds — you  taking  the  cash  and  I  the  reputa- 
tion. 

OTTO.     Vat  sort  of  a  partnership? 

JACK.  Why,  like  this — as  the  great  American 
genius  I'll  put  my  name  to  your  respective  works. 

BRIAN.     Holy  ginger — 

OTTO.    Our  reputation — 

VICTOR.    Ze  undying  fame  we  work  for — 

JACK.    Now  don't  get  excited — You  hax^en't  any 


'26  THE  GENIUS 

reputation  now,  but  as  pupils  of  Spencer  the  Genius, 
you'd  have  the  world  at  your  feet. 

OTTO.     By  damn!  Dot's  so. 

BRIAN.  Wait  a  bit — wait  a  bit.  I  haven't 
swallowed  it  all  yet. 

JACK.  WHY,  it's  easy — I  am  the  Genius,  you 
are  my  three  private  pupils — and  get  all  the  pro- 
ceeds. It's  just  a  little  advertising  scheme  to  get 
your  work  before  the  public — 

OTTO.     But  how  vill  der  public  know — 

JACK.  Ah,  they  must  know  what  they  don't 
know.  (All  turn  away — thinking)  You  see  Clut- 
terbuck —  (All  turn  back)  is  always  looking  for 
the  new  and  unusual.  All  we  have  to  do  is  to  let 
him  discover  us.  He'll  boom  me  for  all  he's  worth 
to  make  his  own  reputation.  In  a  few  weeks  my 
name  will  be  a  household  word  and  Josephine  will 
be  glad  to  take  me.  Don't  you  see  how  simple  it  is  ? 
Why  there's  nothing  to  it. 

NELL.  Suppose  we  get  found  out?  (OTTO  sits 
R.  of  table) 

JACK.  But  we  can't  get  found  out  if  we  all  stick 
to  the  agreement,  and  you  coach  me  up  a  bit.  What 
do  you  say,  men? 

VICTOR.  (To  easel)  It  will  serve  ze  public  right. 
I  will  do  my  share. 

BRIAN.  Faith !  I  can  see  opulence  just  lying  in 
wait  for  the  crowd.  (Offering  wrist  for  JACK  to 
shake)  Count  me  in. 

NELL.    And  you,  Otto? 

OTTO.  (Crosses  to  Nell  c.)  I  don't  want  to 
split  hairs,  but  don't  you  think  der  is  something 
about  der  scheme  that  an  unsympathetic  world 


THE  GENIUS  27 

might  call  cheating? 

JACK.  Why,  you  are  the  only  ones  who  are 
cheated.  The  world  gets  the  same  work  in  any 
case,  and  what  difference  does  it  make  to  them 
whose  name  goes  with  it? 

BRIAN.     Sure.    Otto,  it's  just  a  sort  of  a  joke. 

VICTOR.  A  good  joke  zat  will  make  us  all 
millionaires. 

JACK.  And  besides,  all's  fair  in  love  and  war, 
and  this  is  both.  We  don't  hurt  anyone  and  we 
gain  everything. 

BRIAN.     And  we  get  even  with  Gutterbu!ck. 

OTTO.  (Rising)  Dot's  so.  I  forget;  veil,  you 
better  count  me  in  der  game.  (To  Piano) 

JACK.  Good  work!  Well  then  here's  a  hundred 
to  bind  the  bargain—  (All  "hundred")  Then  our 
motto  is,  "E  pluribus  unum." 

NELL.    Yes,  United  we  stand — 

JACK.  And  divided — Oh,  Lord!  say — of  course, 
you  men  mustn't  get  tired  of  this  arrangement. 
(Men  down)  If  you  go  back  on  me,  I'm  caught 
with  the  goods. 

NELL.  They  mustn't.  We  must  have  an  oath 
of  secrecy  and  allegiance. 

JACK.    That's  the  stuff. 

BRIAN.  Sure,  the  scheme's  gettin'  into  me  blood. 
I'll  swear  to  anything. 

JACK.  Well  then,  conspirators!  Come  hither! 
(Men  draw  together.  Solemnly)  You  swear  never 
to  go  back  on  me,  and  I'll  swear  never  to  go  back 
on  you,  and  we'll  both  swear  never —  (All  swear 
never  to  go  back  on  each  other) — unless  we  all 
agree.  Do  you  swear? 


28  THE  GENIUS 

THREE  MEN.  (Holding  up  their  right  hands) 
I  do. 

JACK.  (Holding  up  his  right  hand)  And  so  do 
I. 

NELL.  (At  window.  Quickly)  Here  comes 
Mr.  Clutterbuck  and  two  ladies.  (All  back  to 
work) 

JACK.  (Rushing  up  to  window)  Why!  It's 
Josephine  and  her  Mother.  (Giro  down  R.  BRIAN 
to  stand) 

OTTO.    Vat  are  dey  coming  for? 

JACK.  (Coming  down  c.)  I  remember  now. 
Clutterbulck  said  he'd  bring  them  down  here  to 
show  them  how  romantically  artists  live. 

OTTO.  Dot  damn  Clutterbuck!  Does  he  tink 
ve  are  vild  animals  on  exhibition? 

BRIAN.  I  wonder  how  they'd  like  it  if  we  intro- 
duced ourselves  in  their  homes  to  see  how  the  four 
hundred  live. 

VICTOR.  (Shrugging  his  shouldefs)  Zey  do  not 
know  any  better. 

JACK.  (On  posing  stand)  Besides,  Mrs.  Van 
Dusen  is  great  on  Art.  (To  c.) 

NELL.    (At  window)    They're  coming  in. 

JACK.  (Crosses  R.  c.)  Well,  get  me  out  of  the 
way.  I  mustn't  be  found  too  soon. 

NELL.     Does  anyone  know  you're  down  here? 

JACK.    No. 

NELL.  (Down  to  JACK)  Then  this  is  your 
chance  to  be  discovered  at  work. 

JACK.  But  great  Scott!  I  don't  know  my  part; 
I'll  make  a  mess  of  it  if  I  try  it  so  soon  —  give  me 
a  little  more  time.  You  see  I  expected  a  few  days 


THE  GENIUS  29 

to  get  ready. 

NELL.  (c.  excited)  You'll  never  again  have 
so  good  an  opportunity. 

BRIAN.  (Excited)  All  right!  the  game's  on. 
Fix  me  up  in  some  of  your  things,  boys. 

NELL.  Quick!  boys  —  some  clothes!  (The 
artists  rush  off  R.  c.  getting  clothes  for  JACK.  They 
get  him  rigged  up  in  a  non-descript  sort  of  way, 
part  painter,  part  sculptor  and  part  musician.  VIC- 
TOR removes  coat  from  wall  down  R.  and  gives  JACK 
velvet  jacket  he  is  wearing) 

JACK.  (Taking  off  coat)  Any  old  thing  will  do; 
they  must  be  nearly  here.  Watch  the  door  some- 
one —  (NELL  to  door)  Say,  how  do  I  get  into  this 
thing?  (Putting  on  modeler's  tunic)  Oh,  I  thought 
it  was  a  skirt.  Here's  something  —  (Putting  on 
Turkish  fez  from  VICTOR)  By  Jingo!  If  they 
don't  think  I'm  a  genius,  it's  not  the  fault  of  the 
clothes.  Say,  tell  me  some  artistic  terms. 

OTTO.    Pizzicato. 

VICTOR.    Tone  color. 

BRIAN.     Foreshortened. 

OTTO.     Andante. 

VICTOR.     Background. 

BRIAN.     Perspective. 

OTTO.     Con  amore. 

VICTOR.     Treatment. 

BRIAN.    Finish. 

JACK.  Hold  on,  you  win,  that's  enough.  I  can't 
learn  the  whole  Bohemian  language  in  five  minutes. 

NELL.  (At  door)They're  on  the  next  landing — 
Hurry  up — 

JACK.     Great  Scott!  I'm  getting    stage    fright. 


30  THE  GENIUS 

{Up  c.  three  men  bring  him  back)  (By  the  tail  of 
tunic)  I  know  I'll  get  all  balled  up. 

NELL.  (At  door)  Just  put  on  a  bold  front  and 
fake  it  through.  Are  you  ready? 

JACK.  (Each  to  his  work)  All  right,  here  she 
goes;  get  busy  then.  (Repeats  to  himself  terms 
the  three  men  have  been  telling  him.  The  three 
men  start  working,  each  at  his  own  art.  JACK 
turns  his  hand  through  his  hair.  NELL  to  posing 
stand.  JACK  puts  on  a  wild  look.  NELL  takes  her 
place  to  pose.  OTTO  is  making  a  noise  on  the  piano, 
knock  is  heard.  JACK  calls)  Come  in.  (Door 
opens  admitting  Percival,  Josephine  and  Mrs.  Van 
Dusen.  Percival  is  rather  an  effeminate  type,  and 
Josephine  affects  the  ultra-artistic.  They  stand  in 
astonishment,  looking  at  the  scene.  JACK  is  careful 
not  to  look  at  them,  and  rushes  around  from  one 
artist  to  another  running  his  hands  through  hisl 
hair.  Looking  alternately  dreamy  and  frenzied) 

JACK.  (At  piano)  That's  better,  Otto,  that's 
better,  but  take  out  that  pizzicato  and  play  it  more 
con  amore.  ( Over  to  BRIAN  )  Look  out !  My  dear 
boy,  that  dimple  is  too  much  foreshortened!  And 
put  that  chin  more  on  the  bias.  (Arranges  NELL 
in  awkward  attitude.  Over  to  VICTOR)  Not  bad, 
not  bad!  your  tone  color  is  better,  but  you  lack 
finish.  A  softer  treatment  you  see  —  (Making  wild 
passes  in  front  of  the  picture)  Like  this — softer, 
softer — just  a  touch  of  light  here. 

JOSEPHINE.     Why,  its  Jack  Spencer! 

CLUTTERBUCK.     Impossible ! 

MRS.  VAN  DUSEL.  Mr.  Spencer  would  scarcely 
be  giving  directions  to  artists.  (OiTO  strikts 


THE  GENIUS  31 

chords) 

JACK.  Ha!  Otto,  what  was  that  last  chord  you 
played  ? 

OTTO.     A  diminished  seventh,  master. 

JACK.  Yes,  that's  not  right;  take  off  about  two 
sixteenths  more.  (VICTOR  and  BRIAN  conceal 
laughter.  JACK  rashes  toward  BRIAN.  PERCIVAL 
at  centre) 

PERCIVAL.  I  beg  your  pardon.  I  —  (JACK  faces 
him,  and  stops  transfixed  with  amazement)  It  is 
Jack  Spencer.  QACK  to  c.) 

JACK.  (Pretends  to  start)  Discovered,  by 
Heaven! — After  all  these  years!  (Turning  fiercely 
to  the  artists  up  c.)  Boys,  boys,  why  didn't  you 
warn  me? 

BRIAN.     Pardon,  master,  pardon^ 

MRS.  VAN  DUSEN.  Mr.  Spencer,  what  is  the 
meaning  of  all  this? 

JOSEPHINE.  You  told  me  you  knew  nothing  of 
Art.  (Crosses  to  JACK) 

JACK.  (Sorrowfully.  Down  to  c.  to  her)  Yes, 
that  is  the  one  lie  of  my  life,  but  I  had  a  motive  for 
it. 

JOSEPHINE.     Yes  ? 

JACK.  Since  you  have  discovered  my  secret,  I 
may  as  well  tell  you  all.  I  take  no  credit  for  what 
I  am ;  it  was  a  law  of  nature  that  I  should  be  gifted 
far  beyond  the  lot  of  the  common  herd  —  but  at 
heart  I  am  a  mere  man,  and  I  knew  the  world;  I 
knew  that  if  any  should  know  me  for  what  I  am, 
I  would  be  lionized,  feted,  worshipped  —  that  I 
could  never  be  sure  of  a  friend.  Affection  for  the 
man  would  be  lost  in  admiration  for  the  genius,  so 


32  THE  GENIUS 

I  dissembled.  I  pretended  to  be  no  more  than  the 
ordinary  variety  of  man.  Ah,  Josephine,  when  you 
rejected  plain  Jack  Spencer  you  did  not  know  that 
you  were  losing  the  greatest  artist  of  the  century — 
the  all  around,  long  distance  champion  of  Art !  But 
I  don't  want  to  talk  of  myself.  These  three  boys 
are  my  pupils —  (They  rise  and  bow)  — and  they 
can  tell  you  better  than  I  can  what  I  am — (Turns 
aside  and  makes  signals  to  the  others)  —  which  my 
natural  modesty  forbids  —  that's  going  some. 

PERCIVAL.     (To  OTTO)     Is  this  true? 

MRS.  VAN  DUSEN.    Wonderful! 

OTTO.  Let  his  vork  speak  for  him.  (Pointing 
to  picture  on  wall  R.)  There  is  his  latest  painting. 
(MRS.  VAN  DUSEN.  PERCY  and  JOSEPHINE  all  rush 
R.  to  picture.  Artists  applaud  JACK) 

PERCIVAL.  (Crosses  to  painting)  But  it's  signed 
Victor  Le  Mercier. 

JACK.  Yes,  but  now  concealment  is  useless. 
After  this  I  shall  sign  all  the  work  myself. 

JOSEPHINE.  (Crossing  to  JACK)  Oh,  Jack,  why 
didn't  you  tell  me?  I  'can  see  the  artistic  tempera- 
ment —  (JACK  —  looking  around  "where?")  —  in 
your  eyes. 

JACK.  (Pretending  to  control  his  grief)  There, 
Josephine,  I  do  not  blame  you.  If  you  could  not 
care  for  the  man  —  the  artist  would  soon  pall,  but 
what  is  done,  is  done.  (Turns  away  in  grief) 

PERCIVAL.  (At  picture  R.  JOSEPHINE  back  to 
picture  R.  c.)  But  this  is  wonderful!  The  treatment 
has  all  the  fine  points  of  Rembrandt!  ( VICTOR  in 
tcstacy  —  back  to  easel  at  picture  R.) 

MRS.  VAN  DUSEN.  The  tones  remind  me  strongly 


THE  GENIUS  33 

of  Rubens. 

JACK.  Yes,  it  is  a  cadenza  after  Turner.  Oh,  it'i 
only  a  short  study;  it's  quite  unfinished. 

PERCIVAL.  (To  JACK  c.)  But  such  work  belongs 
to  the  world.  It  is  wrong  to  conceal  it  Let  me 
show  the  American  public  that  a  great  artist  is  living 
in  their  midst.  (Crosses  to  R.  JOSEPHINE) 

JACK.  As  you  will ;  it  is  all  the  same  to  me  now. 
(Crosses  L.)  / 

MRS.  VAN  DUSEN.  (Crossefs  L.)  Mr.  Spencer, 
I'm  afraid  we've  misjudged  you.  If  you  permit 
me,  I'll  make  arrangements  for  a  reception  to  you 
at  my  house.  (Crosses  c.  to  OTTO.  JACK  bows) 

PERCIVAL.  (To  c.  Rushing  over  and  taking 
JACK'S  hand)  My  dear  fellow,  if  I  had  only  known ! 

JACK.  Yes,  yes  —  but  don't  disturb  me  now  — 
this  is  my  busy  day. 

PERCIVAL.  Well,  I'll  see  you  this  afternoon.  We 
must  get  this  in  the  papers  before  anyone  else  gets 
ahead  of  us.  (Crosses  L.) 

JACK.  Yes,  yes  —  but  no  fuss,  please.  I  hate  a 
fuss  —  Besides  you're  disturbing  my  atmosphere. 

MRS.  VAN  DUSEN.  We  won't  disturb  you  any 
longer.  You'll  dine  with  us  tonight  —  quite  infor- 
mally. 

JACK.  (Absent  mindedly)  Er  —  Er  —  thank 
you,  thank  you,  I  shall  be  delighted. 

MRS.  VAN  DUSEN.    Come,  Josephine. 

JACK.  Oh  Josephine,  discovered,  and  after  all 
these  years! 

JOSEPHINE.  (Crosses  L.  Aside  to  him)  You'll 
be  sure  to  come,  Jack;  seven  o'clock. 

JACK.     If  my  work   prevents,    I'll   send    word. 


34  THE  GENIUS 

(Looks  at  him  wistfully,  and  joins  her  mother) 

PERCIVAL.  .  Good  bye.  (JACK  removes  fez;  they 
start  to  go)  By  Jove!  I've  discovered  the  great 
American  Genius. 

MRS.  VAN  DUSEN.  We  both  discovered  him,  Mr. 
Clutterbuck. 

JOSEPHINE.    Ah  —  but  I  felt  it  all  the  time. 

JACK.  Let's  see,  Otto  —  where  were  we?  Oh, 
yes,  two  sixteenths  and  a  diminished  eight.  (Turning 
toward  OTTO  stops  at  sight  of  VICTOR.  Suddenly 
catching  sight  of  Victor's  work)  No,  no,  my  dear 
boy,  you  have  no  perspective  in  your  conception; 
you  need  more  andante  —  see  here  —  (Grabs  brush 
and  palette  from  him  and  makes  a  few  wild  strokes 
across  the  picture)  More  like  this  — 

VICTOR.    (Screaming)   Ah  —  look  out,  look  out ! 

JACK.  (Backing  him,  c.  By  this  time  PERCY, 
JOSEPHINE  and  MRS.  VAN  DUSEN  have  gone  out, 
looking  very  much  impressed  and  talking  excitedly 
to  each  other.  As  the  door  dosses)  Never  mind, 
old  man,  I've  ruined  your  picture  —  but  I'm  a 
genius!  (Crosses  center  —  laughing  wildly) 
-:-  CURTAIN  -:- 


THE  GENIUS  35, 

ACT  II 
TIME. — Two  weeks  later.    Afternoon 

SCENE -.-Studio  of  the  Genius  on  Fifth  Avenue. 
A  luxurious  room  of  the  fashionable  artist 
type.  Door  to  hall  L.  3.  E.  Large  bay  windows 
with  rich  curtains  back  c.  Platform  for  posing 
R.  of  windows.  Piano  and  stool  L.  of  windows. 
Stand  of  armour  L.  of  platform.  Large  screen 
R.  of  platform  —  stand  of  armour  between 
screen  and  R.  2.  E.  Couch  down  R.  Divan  L. 
Table  and  two  chairs  down  L.  c.  Handsome 
modeling  stand  and  tools  R.  c.  Easel,  stool 
and  stand  with  painters'  implements  L.  c. 
Music-stand  with  music  L.  of  piano.  Every- 
thing is  in  direct  contrast  to  Act  I.  Paintings, 
weapons  and  many  useless  but  ornamental 
things  adorn  the  wall. 

DISCOVERED  -.-Curtain  discovers  OTTO,  VICTOR 
and  BRIAN.  OTTO  on  couch  R.  c.  with  news- 
paper and  shears.  VICTOR  at  table  with  two 
large  scrap  books,  is  pasting  in  notices  which 
the  other  two  cut  out  and  hand  to  him.  All 
three  men  are  stylishly  dressed  and  have  a 
general  atmosphere  of  well-fed  opulence. 
OTTO  is  smoking  a  large  German  pipe.  VIC- 
TOR and  BRIAN  both  have  cigars. 

OTTO.  Ach  Gott!  —  boys,  listen  to  dis  von  — 
(Reads)  "Clutterbuck  on  Spencer,  the  distinguished 
critic  explains  the  novel  methods  of  the  Genius! 
Mr.  Percival  Clutterbuck,  whose  recent  discovery 
of  the  wonderful  young  man,  has  been  the  talk  of 
the  town  for  the  past  two  weeks,  explained  yester- 


36  THE  GENIUS 

day  to  our  reporter  the  facts  connected  with  his 
discovery.  It  appears  that  Mr.  Clutterbuck  has 
known  the  young  painter;  sculptor;  musician 
for  years,  but  has  been  keeping  the  knowledge 
secret,  in  order  that  he  might  the  better  guide  and 
direct  the  talents  of  the  wonderful  young  man. 
(VICTOR  crosses  R.)  The  invaluable  help  that  Mr. 
Clutterbuck  must  have  given  the  Genius  is  apparent, 
when  we  consider  that  not  one  of  our  critics  has 
found  a  single  fault  with  his  work.  (To  the  others) 
Now,  wouldn't  dot  make  you  smile?  (Cuts  out 
notices  and  give's  to  VICTOR  with  notices  already 
cut  out,  he  crosses  L.  of  table) 

VICTOR.     Non,  it  is  more  to  weep. 

BRIAN.  Sure,  there's  no  suitin*  some  people  (To 
VICTOR)  Here  ye  are  rolling*  in  the  lap  of  luxury, 
smokin'  Havana  cigars  and  with  two  fat  bank 
accounts,  yet  ye  wear  a  face  like  the  divil  on  Ash 
Wednesday. 

VICTOR.     I  haf  sold  my  honaire. 

BRIAN.  And  you've  sold  it  for  more  than  it's 
worth.  (Goes  c.) 

VICTOR.  (Rising)  Brian,  you  insult  my  honaire — 

OTTO.  Now,  don't  get  peevish.  I  see  vat  he 
means. 

BRIAN.  Don't  ye  see  we're  just  following  the 
business  tendency  of  the  times  — 

VICTOR.     (Subsiding)     Vat  do  you  mean? 

BRIAN.  We've  just  formed  a  little  company, 
that's  all.  Now  suppose  we  had  formed  the 
company  to  make  scissors  and  knives  and  razors, 
*nd  called  ourselves  "The  Spencer  Cutlery  Co." — 
and  suppose  you  made  the  scissors,  and  Otto  made 


THE  GENIUS  37 

the  knives  and  I  made  the  razors.  Why,  then  we 
"wouldn't  think  it  wrong  to  stamp  the  name  "Spen- 
cer" on  every  piece  of  work  we  turned  out. 

VICTOR.  But  zat  is  business  —  zere  is  no  honairc 
in  business  — 

BRIAN.  Sure,  it's  the  same  in  Art,  we've  formed 
a  little  Art  Company,  that's  all,  and  the  things  we 
make,  instead  of  being  stamped  with  the  names  of 
the  workmen,  are  stamped  with  the  name  of  the 
firm. 

OTTO.  By  tarn!  Brian,  Kant  himself  couldn't 
prove  better  dot  something  was  nothing  —  here  — 
(Giving  him  notices)  Put  dis  in  der  Clutterbuck 
book.  (OTTO  gives  it  to  BRIAN  who  crosses  L.  to 
table) 

BRIAN.  (Back  of  table.  Looking  over  VICTOR'S 
shoulder)  We've  got  Clutterbuck  hard  and  fast, 
he  can't  deny  that  Spencer's  the  greatest  Genius  of 
the  century,  without  giving  himself  the  lie  a  thous- 
and times  over. 

VICTOR.     Zat  is  ze  one  consolation. 

BRIAN.  And  after  all,  boys,  we're  helping  a  poor 
devil  win  the  girl  he  loves.  We  can't  help  it  if  we 
become  rich  men  while  we  are  doing  it. 

VICTOR.  But  he  is  taking  no  steps  to  win  ze  fair 
Josephine  —  he  has  not  been  to  see  her  for  a  week. 

BRIAN.  That's  the  foxiness  of  the  boy,  don't  ye 
see  he's  giving  his  greatness  a  chance  to  sink  in  ?  (A 
knock  on  the  door  L.  3.  E.) 

OTTO.  (R.  c.)  Come  in.  My  we  got  an  early 
caller,  yes.  (All  sit  at  their  places)  "Come  in, 
Come  in."  (The  door  opens  and  PERCY  enters) 

PERCIVAL.     (Coming  c.    Looking  around)     Ah, 


38  THE  GENIUS 

good  morning,  boys. 

THREE  ARTISTS.     Good  morning. 

PERCIVAL.  (c)  Hasn't  your  master  appeared 
yet? 

BRIAN.     (R.  c.)     No,  not  yet. 

VICTOR.  (L)  Ze  mastaire  had  a  very  busy  day 
yesterday. 

OTTO.  (R.  c.  coming  down)  Ja,  and  der  poor 
devil  —  (VICTOR  coughs)  I  mean  our  dear  master 
is  finding  der  calls  of  Art  almost  too  heavy.  Ah, 
Mr.  Clutterbuck,  you  should  have  considered  well 
before  exposing  to  a  clamoring  public  a  nature  so 
delicately  temperamental  as  that  of  Mr.  Spencer. 
(Sitting  on  settee) 

PERCIVAL.  I  had  a  duty  to  perform,  and  I  did 
it,  but  I  beg  you  will  not  call  him  Mr.  Spencer.  To 
give  the  common  title  to  a  character  such  as  his 
sounds  as  strangely  as  would  Mr.  Angelo,  or  Mr. 
Rembrandt.  (Up  c.  a  little  to  examine  picture) 

BRIAN.  But  we  call  you  Mr.  Clutterbuck  an'd 
surely  the  genius  which  appreciates  the  work  as 
you  do,  is  no  less  than  that  of  him  who  creates  that 
work. 

PERCIVAL.  (Three  artists  laugh  silently)  (Very 
much  pleased)  Possibly,  possibly  --  but  to  return 
to  the  master. 

OTTO.  Veil,  as  I  was  saying,  yesterday  morning 
he  had  to  be  present  at  meetings  of  der  American 
Association  of  Temperamental  Research,  und  der 
New  York  Society  for  der  Promotion  of  Artistic 
Impulses.  After  a  hasty  lunch  he  laid  der  corner 
stone  for  der  new  Conservatory  of  Painting  und 
den  rushed  off  to  open  der  bazaar  for  der  young 


THE  GENIUS  39 

womans'  auxiliary  of  der  National  Confederation  of 
Ethical  Culture  in  der  fine  Arts.  In  der  evening 
he  vast  given  a  dinner  by  der  Philharmonic  Associa- 
tion —  und  ven  he  finally  retired  he  left  orders  not 
even  if  der  house  caught  fire  he  vas  not  to  be 
disturbed  until  der  firemen  vere  sure  they  could 
not  control  der  flames. 

PERCIVAL.  (Taking  chair  L.  of  easel)  Well, 
perhaps  I'd  better  tell  you  of  a  little  scheme  I  have 
originated  and  you  can  sound  the  master  with  regard 
to  it. 

BRIAN.  The  master  doesn't  like  schemes.  (Sitting 
on  table) 

VICTOR.  He  says  ze  vord  "scheme"  signifies 
deceit,  and  is  distasteful  to  him  on  zat  account 

PERCIVAL.  Ah,  but  my  plan  will  benefit  the 
public  as  well  as  him  and  myself. 

OTTO.  I  never  saw  a  scheme  yet  dot  was  not 
promoted  for  der  purpose  of  enriching  der  general 
public. 

PERCIVAL.  This  is  what  I  want  to  do ;  I  propose 
to  give  a  course  of  lectures  on  painting,  sculpture  and 
music,  and  have  Spencer  illustrate  the  points  as  I 
make  them.  (All  three  men  blow  a  puff  of  smokf 
ir.  the  air.  The  three  men  look  at  one  another 
blankly.  PERCIVAL  looks  at  each,  each  has  some- 
thing to  do) 

OTTO.  (On  sofa)  Veil,  you  see  it  would  be  all 
right  —  only  — 

PERCIVAL.  Oh,  you  could  persuade  him,  a  man 
who  turns  out  work  as  fast  as  he  does  could  easily 
model  a  bust  while  I  am  explaining  the  fine  points 
of  sculpture. 


40  THE  GENIUS 

BRIAN.  Yes,  but  he  is  so  shy  —  you  know  he 
can  never  work  while  anyone  is  looking  at  him. 

PERCIVAL.  He'd  soon  get  over  that,  with 
practice. 

VICTOR.  I  do  not  believe  he  ever  will.  Even  I 
have  not  seen  him  work  on  one  of  his  own  paintings. 
He  only  criticises  mine. 

OTTO.  Vy,  ve  had  a  letter  yesterday  from  a 
theatrical  manager  who  offered  der  master  three 
thousand  dollars  a  week  to  act  a  little  sketch  in  der 
Vaudeville  stage,  in  der  course  of  vich  he  vas  to 
paint  a  picture,  model  a  statue  and  compose  a 
symphony. 

PERCIVAL.    That's  very  much  like  my  idea. 

OTTO.  Ja,  but  der  master  refused  rather  than 
make  a  public  spectacle  of  his  genius.  It's  no  use, 
Mr.  Clutterbuck,  he  is  vone  of  dose  rare  flowers 
vich  are  born  to  bloom  unseen.  (As  he  turns  up  he 
stops  to  sigh  at  the  beauty  of  the  painting) 

PERCIVAL.  Well,  if  he  won't,  I  suppose  he  won't, 
but  it  would  have  been  a  wonderful  thing.  The 
greatest  artist  of  the  country  working  before  the 
eyes  of  the  people,  while  the  greatest  critic  explains 
his  work. 

BRIAN.  (Crosses  to  PERCIVAL  shaking  his  head. 
PERCIVAL  acknowledges  each  compliment.  BRIAN 
turns  up  c.  adn  back  down  R.)  Sure,  ye'd  make  a 
great  team. 

VICTOR.  (L)  You  are  suited  to  eaich  othaire  in  a. 
marvelous  degree. 

OTTO.  (Coming  down  R.)  By  —  der  —  vay,  I 
hear  you  have  been  made  a  director  of  der  Institute. 
Yes? 


THE  GENIUS  41 

PERCIVAL.  Yes,  indeed.  It  was  Providence  that 
led  me  to  your  studio  that  morning. 

BRIAN.    It  was. 

PERCIVAL.  I  have  not  only  made  Spencer  famous, 
but  by  doing  so  my  own  position  has  been  made 
secure.  Everyone  wants  my  opinion.  No  artistic 
gathering  is  complete  unless  I  drop  in  for  a  few 
minutes.  In  a  way,  I  may  be  said  to  be  the  artistic 
'Columbus  of  America. 

BRIAN.  (Down  c.)  Ye're  going  to  have  a 
remarkable  finish. 

PERCIVAL.  I'm  sure  of  it.  Well,  I  won't  wait 
any  longer.  There  is  a  Directors'  meeting  of  the 
Institute  which  I  must  attend.  Tell  Spencer  I'll 
drop  in  later  in  the  day  and  have  a  bit  of  a  chat 
with  him.  (Crosses  L.  to  E.) 

OTTO.  Ve  will  do  so.  Good  day,  Mr.  Clutter- 
buck. 

PERCIVAL.  (At  door  L.)  Au  revoir.  And  if 
you  think  there  is  any  chance  for  that  course  of 
lectures  —  let  me  know. 

BRIAN.     We'll  do  what  we  can  for  you. 

PERCIVAL.  Thank  you  —  thank  you.  Good  day. 
Good  day.  (Exit  L.  to  E.) 

OTTO.     (Up  R.)    Ach  Gott!  —  Yen  he  finds  out. 

BRIAN.  (Down  to  OTTO)  From  the  way  things 
are  going  now,  I  don't  see  why  he  should  ever  find 
out. 

VICTOR.  (Crosses  to  c.)  You  can  fool  all  ze 
people  part  of  ze  time,  and  — 

BRIAN.  (To  c.)  And  in  the  case  of  Art,  part 
of  the  time  means  a  couple  of  hundred  years. 

OTTO.     (R.  c.  by  screen)    Veil,  let's  hope  for  der 


42  THE  GENIUS 

best.  Ah,  here  comes  Jack.  (The  door  R.  2.  E. 
opens  and  JACK  enters.  He  comes  slowly  c.  as  in 
a  dream.  JACK  is  dressed  in  ultra-artistic  style,  and 
is  constantly  posing,  he  comes  in  slowly  posing,  then 
assumes  his  natural  manner) 

JACK.  (R.  c.  crosses  and  turns  all  around)  Oh, 
I  thought  there  was  somebody  here. 

BRIAN.     No,  they're  all  outside. 

JACK.    How  many? 

BRIAN.  (Holding  up  card  tray  —  full)  How 
many  — 

OTTO.  We  got  rid  of  them  all  but  three  —  one 
woman  and  two  men. 

JACK.    Anyone  we  know? 

BRIAN.    No,  all  strangers. 

JACK.     How  long  have  they  been  waiting? 

BRIAN.  (Looking  at  watch)  About  one  hour 
and  a  quarter. 

JACK.  That's  good.  Oh,  then  I'll  go  through  the 
mail  first.  (Sits  R.  of  table,  and  BRIAN  opens  a 
large  pile  of  letters,  first  placing  large  waste  basket 
by  chair) 

OTTO.  Jack,  you  take  to  der  vays  of  a  Genius 
like  a  duck  to  vater.  (BRIAN  opens  letters  and 
hands  them  to  him  one  by  one) 

JACK.  (Opening  letter)  Dear  Mr.  Spencer, 
Would  it  be  too  much  trouble  for  you  to  send  me 
your  auto  —  (Throws  it  into  basket)  Yes,  it 
would.  (Opening  another)  Honored  Sir:-I  have 
a  very  fine  collection  of  autographs.  (VICTOR 
crosses  and  sits  smoking.  Throws  it  into  basket; 
takes  another)  Dear  Mr.  Spencer:-  Will  you  send 
me  one  of  your  neckties  for  my  sofa  cushion.  I 


THE  GENIUS  43 

was  introduced  to  you  once  three  years  ago,  so 
take  the  liberty  of  asking  your  opinion  of  Ruskin's 
theories  of  Art  —  (Looking  at  BRIAN)  I  say, 
what's  Ruskin's  theory  of  Art  ?  (BRIAN  —  'standing 
back  of  table) 

OTTO.  Thirty-two  volumes  —  at  two  fifty  per 
volume. 

JACK.  (Handing  letter  to  BRIAN)  Well,  tell 
him  what  I  think  about  them,  will  you,  Brian? 
(Taking  another)  Although  I  do  not  know  you 
personally  I  take  the  liberty  of  asking  for  your 
autograph  —  (Throws  it  into  basket  and  takes 
another)  Honored  Sir:-  May  we  use  your  name 
for  our  baking  powder  --  you've  risen  so  quickly. 
(Puts  letter  in  inside  pocket)  Dear  Sir:-  Would 
be  obliged  for  your  auto  —  (Into  basket.  Takes 
another)  Oh,  I  say,  boys,  listen  —  this  is  from 
one  of  the  big  weeklies.  Dear  Sir:-  If  you  will 
draw  for  us  exclusively  we  will  give  you  one 
hundred  thousand  dollars  for  one  hundred  drawings 
—  (Whistle  from  BRIAN)  to  appear,  one  every 
week  during  the  next  two  years.  What  do  you 
think  of  that  ? 

OTTO.    Not  enough,  other  people  get  dot  much. 

JACK.  Wait  -  -  here's  a  P.  S.  (Reads)  "In 
case  you  acept  this  offer  kindly  make  your  letter 
very  legible  as  we  would  like  to  use  it  for  advertis- 
ing purposes." 

OTTO.  (Smoking)  Tell  him  five  thousand  per 
drawing  is  der  lowest  price. 

JACK.  (Giving  letter  to  BRIAN)  All  right.  All 
right  you  tell  him,  Brian,  I  don't  want  that  lie  on 
my  shoulders. 


44  THE  GENIUS 

BRIAN.    All  right. 

JACK.  (Opening  them  quickly  and  throwing 
them  .into  .basket)  M  -  -  m  —  autograph  — 
(Business)  auto —  (Business)  Photo —  (business) 
Interviewing  daily  papers  --  (Tossing  it  on  table) 
All  right  —  (Yawns)  Oh,  I'm  tired  of  this  —  I 
suppose  we've  got  to  have  those  people  in.  (Tearing 
up  letters) 

OTTO.  Vait  a  minute.  You  must  have  your 
lesson  first. 

JACK.  (Looking  hopelessly  at  the  three  men) 
Oh,  I  say,  I  learned  enough  yesterday  to  carry  me 
through  this  week. 

BRIAN.    Sure,  but  ye  made  a  bad  break  yesterday. 

JACK.     You  mean  about  Murililo? 

VICTOR.    Mon  Dieu !  Yes  — 

JACK.  Ah,  that  wasn't  so  bad.  I  dont'  believe 
anybody  noticed  it. 

OTTO.    Du  Lieber!    Do  you  know  vat  you  say? 

JACK.  Anybody  might  have  said  it.  How  was 
I  to  know  that  Murillo  wasn't  the  name  of  a  cigar? 
It  sounds  just  like  it. 

BRIAN.  (Crosses  behind  JACK  —  stops  c.  to 
speak)  Holy  Smoke  —  and  that's  the  very  reason 
ye  must  keep  on  with  the  lessons.  Come;  are  ye 
ready?  (Crosses  to  Settee) 

JACK.  Oh,  well,  have  it  your  own  way,  but  I've 
only  half  studied  the  thing.  (Takes  paper  out  of 
his  pocket  and  hurriedly  runs  over  it  while  the 
three  men  sit  in  a  line  as  examiners.  BRIAN  on 
'settee) 

VICTOR  &  BRIAN.    Put  it  away  —  put  it  away  — 

OTTO.     Now,  put  it  away,  und  answer.     Vat  is 


THE  GENIUS  45 

der  name  of   der  last  symphony  you  composed? 

JACK.  (Rising  as  though  to  recite  lesson  — 
standing  c.  facing  men  —  fidgeting)  Last  sym- 
phony? Let's  see  —  that  was  the  symphony  —  in 
• —  eight  sharps  and  — 

OTTO.  Ach  Gott!  --  My  boy  —  der  is  no  sech 
key. 

JACK.  No,  no,  you're  wrong,  Otto,  that  was  the 
one  question  I  was  sure  of. 

OTTO.     But  it  is  impossible. 

JACK.  Now,  look  here  —  (Taking  piece  of  music 
from  piano)  A  sharp  is  one  of  those  tit-tat-two- 
things  on  the  bias,  isn't  it? 

OTTO.     Ja  —  but  — 

JACK.  Well,  I  counted  them  and  there  were 
eight. 

OTTO.     (Patiently)     No,  my  sohn,  only  seven. 

JACK.  Oh,  well,  that's  near  enough.  I  didn't 
think  one  or  two  made  so  much  difference. 

OTTO.     (Sighs)     Go  on,  Victor,  it's  your  turn. 

JACK.  (c.  seeks  in  pocket  for  paper)  Madonna, 
why  —  say  is  that  quetsion  on  this  list? 

VICTOR.  (OTTO  and  BRIAN  —  "put  it  away) 
(Sighing)  It  is. 

JACK.  (Thinking)  Madonna?  Madonna?  Oh, 
I  know!  The  Madonna  oblogata! 

VICTOR.  (Starts  to  rise  —  BRIAN  catches  his 
arm)  Ah!  Mon  Dieu! 

JACK.  Now,  hold  on,  don't  get  excited.  I  get 
three  chances,  don't  I?  ( VICTOR  sinks  back  into 
chair)  Well,  that's  only  one.  Now,  wait  a  minute 
—  Madonna  —  Madonna  (VICTOR  —  in  despair) 

JACK.     Now,  don't  tell  me  —  I  was  just  going 


46  THE  GENIUS 

to  say  it.     It's  the  Sistine  Madonna. 

VICTOR.  (Shrieking)  Salcre  bleu!  —  Sistine  — 
Sistine ! 

JACK.  Sure!  that's  right.  I  thought  a  Sistine 
was  just  a  French  name  for  —  a  tank. 

VICTOR.  But  how  would  zat  make  sense?  Can 
you  not  use  a  little  reason? 

JACK.  Well,  it's  all  your  own  fault.  You  don't 
know  how  to  teach  Art.  How  do  you  expect  me  to 
talk  sense  about  a  Madonna  when  I  never  saw  one? 
Say,  what  is  a  Madonna  anyway?  (OTTO  and 
BRIAN  explode  with  laughter.  VICTOR  throws  up 
his  hands  and  tears  his  hair.  Rushes  up  R.  c.) 

OTTO.     Madonna,  my  son,  means  Mother. 

JACK.  Does  it?  —  Why  didn't  you  tell  me  so  in 
the  first  place,  I  could  have  remembered  it.  You 
know,  I'm  not  really  such  a  chump  as  you  think. 
"Father"  is  Pa-donna!  Then  if  Mother  is 
Madonna  —  (VICTOR  writhe's  in  agony  —  up  L.  c. 
to  window) 

OTTO.  I  think  you've  had  enough  today,  but 
study  der  same  lesson  for  tomorrow. 

JACK.  (Crosses  R.  c.)  Well,  you  won't  catch 
me  in  Madonna  again.  My  vocabulary  is  growing 
fast.  (Crossing  to  imaginary  pefson  R.  c.  and 
shaking  hands)  Good  matin  —  Raphael,  how's 
your  Madonna?  That's  all  right,  isn't  it? 

BRIAN.     Sure,  Jack  —  it's  wonderful! 

JACK.  Good!  Now,  let's  have  those  people  in 
and  get  it  over..  Victor  bring  on  No.  I.  (BRIAN 
gives  VICTOR  cards.  VICTOR  goes  to  door  and  calls) 
Ze  Mastaire  will  see  Mr.  Cyril  Farquahar  —  (CYRIL 
enters.  JACK  goes  to  easel  and  takes  palette  and 


THE  GENIUS  47 

brushes;  all  the  men  stop  smoking.  VICTOR  goes 
to  door  L.  3.  E.,  and  opens  it.  BRIAN  sits  at  table 
to  answer  letters.  OTTO  with  paper  on  Divan  L. 
As  VICTOR  brings  in  CYRIL  FARQUAHAR,  JACK 
pretends  to  paint.  CYRIL  is  a  very  young  man  who 
dresses  in  rather  a  Bohemian  way,  but  is  apparently 
well  off.) 

VICTOR.  (In  an  awe-struck  voice)  Zere  is  ze 
mastaire.  (CYRIL  advances) 

JACK.  (With  his  far  away  look  over  his  head. 
VICTOR  crosses  behind  easel)  Oh,  good  atfernoon. 
How  is  your  Madonna? 

CYRIL.  (Slowly  to  c.)  Mr.  Spencer,  I've  come 
to  ask  a  great  favor  of  you  — 

JACK  (With  a  sigh)  Yes!  (VICTOR  R.  of 
easel.  OTTO  L.  on  settee.  BRIAN  at  table) 

CYRIL.    My  name  is  Cyril  Farquahar  — 

JACK.     Pretty  name,  isn't  it? 

CYRIL.  And  for  years  I  have  felt  the  possibilities 
of  great  things  in  my  soul. 

JACK.  (Keeps  painting  —  Politely)  That's  nice, 
isn't  it? 

CYRIL.  (Stutters)  But  until  now,  I  have  been 
unable  to  give  them  suitable  expression.  (Big 
sigh  from  c.)  Ah,  you  know  what  it  is  to  feel  the 
fire  of  inspiration  burning  within  you  — 

JACK.  (Catching  stutter)  Oh,  yes,  yes  —  I 
have  felt  it  often.  He's  got  me  doing  that  now. 

CYRIL.  But  you  can  give  it  immortal  form, 
while  I  am  helpless  in  its  grasp.  Oh,  sir,  in  the 
name  of  Art,  I  ask  you  to  take  me  as  a  pu  —  pu  — 
pu  — 

JACK.     Pupil.     (Rises)  Why,  really,  I  — 


48  THE  GENIUS 

CYRIL.  Don't  say  it's  too  much  to  ask;  I  feel 
that  I  will  be  worthy  of  you  — 

JACK.  Oh,  no  doubt  —  but  you  see  the  calls  of 
Art  are  so  exacting  that  I  have  been  compelled  to 
limit  myself  to  three  pupils  —  one  for  each  of  my 
Arts. 

CYRIL.    Then  there  is  no  hope  for  me? 

JACK.  (Coming  down  to  table)  I  did  not  say 
that,  but  do  you  realize  what  a  jealous  Mistress  Art 
is?  (Aside  to  BRIAN)  How's  that? 

BRIAN.    Great. 

CYRIL,     (c)     Yes  —  yes  — 

JACK.  She  is  not  to  be  wooed  and  won  in  a 
week. 

OTTO.  (To  VICTOR)  Dots  sounds  strangely 
familiar. 

JACK.  It  means  years  and  years,  and  years  of 
hard  work. 

CYRIL.     Only  try  me  — 

JACK.  Well,  although  I  take  no  more  pupils 
myself,  I  sometimes  allow  my  pupils  to  take  a  pupil 
—  (Crosses  at  front  to  easel) 

CYRIL,  (c.  hands  extended  —  turning  to  the 
three  men)  Will  you  take  me? 

BRIAN.  Bring  some  of  your  work  around  to- 
morrow, and  we'll  talk  it  over  with  you. 

CYRIL.  Oh,  thank  you;  you  won't  regret  it;  I'm 
rich  -  -  (JACK  and  the  three  artists  shocked  at 
mention  of  money) 

OTTO.  (In  a  grieved  tone,  holding' up  his  hand) 
Please,  please! 

CYRIL.  Oh,  I'm  sorry  —  I  —  I'll  see  you  to- 
morrow. Tomorrow  —  Tomorrow.  (Turns  in 
an  embarrassed  way  and  bolts  out) 


THE  GENIUS  49 

JACK.  It's  funny  what  an  embarrassing  effect 
I  seem  to  have  on  everyone.  (To  OTTO  R.  c.) 

OTTO.  It's  vat  der  papers  call  your  "Wonderful 
personality." 

JACK.     All  right  Victor  bring  on  No.  2. 

VICTOR.  Ze  mastaire  will  se  —  (Reading  card) 
Mr.  Cyrus  Jenkins.  (CYRUS  enters.  JACK  sees 
him  coming  and  starts  to  paint  as  before.  CYRUS 
is  a  stout,  rather  flashily  dressed  man  of  the] 
nouveau  riche  type.  VICTOR  R.  c.  as  before) 

VICTOR.     (As  before)    Zere  is  ze  mastaire. 

JACK.     (As  before)     Good  afternoon. 

CYRUS.     (Advancing  and  grasping  his  hand)  Mr. 

Spencer,    I'm    proud   to    know   you;    my    name's 

Jenkins  —  Cyrus  W.  Jenkins,  of  Jenkins  &  Smith 

-  woolen  goods  —  Have  a  cigar?     (Offers  it  to 

him.    JACK  starts  to  take  it) 

BRIAN.  (Meaningly  —  cough)  The  master 
doesn't  smoke  -  -  (JACK  refuses  cigar) 

OTTO.     Or  drink  — 

VICTOR.  He  has  never  been  kissed  by  a  woman. 
(JACK  slaps  VICTOR  in  stomach) 

CYRUS.  (Looking  doubtfully  at  JACK)  Is  the 
game  worth  the  candle? 

CYRUS.     (Looking  disgustedly  at  the  artists)  I — « 
I    love    Art,    Mr.    Jenkins.      (Aside    to    VICTOR) 
I'll  get  even  with  you  for  that.     (JACK  down  c.) 

CYRUS.  H'm  —  well,  let's  go  to  business ;  I  want 
to  buy  one  of  your  pictures.  (The  three  men 
brighten  up,  but  assume  an  air  of  indifference. 
VICTOR  crosses  to  table  L.) 

JACK.  (Down  c.)  Oh,  yes  —  well,  couldn't  you 
come  around  tomorrow?  It's  really  after  office 


'50  THE  GENIUS 

hours. 

CYRUS.  (Down  c.)  I  promised  my  wife  to  get 
one  for  her  today. 

OTTO.  (R)  But  der  sale  of  von  of  der  master's 
pictures  is  a  matter  of  National  importance  — 

CYRUS.  Oh,  that'll  be  all  right.  I'll  see  the 
reporters  tonight,  you  see,  my  wife  is  dead  anxious 
to  butt  into  New  York  society,  and  the  best  way 
she  could  think  of,  was  to  get  one  of  your  pictures 
and  then  invite  all  the  big  people  to  a  private  view. 
They'd  all  come  —  and  then  we'd  be  right  in  it. 

OTTO.    Your  wife  is  a  brainy  woman. 

CYRUS.  (Crosses  R.  slaps  OTTO  on  back)  Well, 
I  should  crack  a  smile.  (Turning  to  JACK)  Will 
you  sell  me  one  now,  Mr.  Spencer? 

JACK.  Oh,  I  haven't  the  heart  to  keep  Mrs. 
Jenkins  out  of  society  (Pointing  to  small  picture  — 
at  back)  I'll  sell  you  -  -  (VICTOR  points  secretly 
to  picture  he  wishes  sold  --  JACK  takes  cue)  that 
one. 

CYRUS.  Say,  that's  a  real  white  one  of  you. 
What's  the  price? 

JACK.  Well,  as  it's  such  a  small  one,  I  guess  a 
fair  price  would  be  -  -  (Bus.  of  whisper)  about 
thirty-five  dollars.  (JACK  looks  to  VICTOR  who 
whipers  35.  CYRUS  surprised  down  L.  c.  sits  at 
table  writing  check.  BRIAN  and  OTTO  shocked) 

VICTOR.  (With  a  shriek  goes  down  on  his  knees 
before  JACK  — )  Sacre  Bleu!  Mon  Dieu!  — 
tnastaire,  mastaire,  —  do  not  give  away  ze  gems  of 
your  art  —  we  do  not  vant  ze  money  —  but  do  not 
insult  ze  priceless  work.  (Whispers  3500  to  JACK) 

JACK.  (c.  turning  to  look  at  picture)  You  see 
it  is  not  my  best  work.  (Looks  critically  at  picture) 


THE  GENIUS  51 

Oh,  I  don't  know,  I  don't  think  thirty-five  hundred 
dollars  is  insulting  it.  (To  CYRUS) 

CYRUS.  (At  table)  Oh,  I  thought  you  said 
thirty-five  dollars  — 

JACK.  (c.  laughing  heartily)  Yes,  but  I  forgot 
the  frame.  ( VICTOR  up  R.  wiping  perspiration  from 
brow) 

CYRUS.  (Making  out  check)  Well  —  (Sighing) 
I  hope  Mrs.  J.  will  be  satisfied  now ;  when  can  you 
send  it  round? 

JACK.  (Crosses  R.)  Why,  really,  we  don't  send 
small  orders  — 

OTTO.  (To  JACK  R.  c.  coming  forward  quickly) 
We'll  send  it  dis  afternoon,  Mr.  Jenkins.  (To 
JACK)  You've  done  enough;  you'd  better  rest  a 
vile. 

CYRUS.  (VICTOR  to  door  L.  CYRUS  rising  — 
offering  check  to  JACK  who  refuses  then  offers  to 
BRIAN  who  takes  it.)  Well,  here  you  are.  Good 
day,  Mr.  Spencer,  if  you  ever  want  anything  in 
woolen  goods,  just  let  me  know.  (Check  is  dropped 
on  floor  c.  by  BRIAN  which  JENKINS  sees  — • 
JENKINS  up  and  exits  L.  3.  E.  As  soon  as  CYRUS 
is  out,  the  three  artists  make  a  rush  for  it  —  regard 
it  with  glee} 

BRIAN.  Thirty-five  hundred  — Jack,  my  boy, 
you're  a  wonder;  how's  your  honor  feeling  now, 
Victor? 

VICTOR.  (To  door  L.  3.  OTTO  to  piano)  He  is 
feeling  much  bettaire,  thank  you. 

JACK.  Victor,  bring  on  No.  3.  ( VICTOR  business 
as  before.  VICTOR  ushers  in  LILLY  SCOTT,  a  bash- 
ful, giggling  school  girl.) 

VICTOR.     (As  before)    Zere  is/e  mastaire. 


52  THE  GENIUS 

LILLY.  (Giggling  and  advancing  timidly  to 
JACK)  Mr.  —  Mr.  Spencer  —  (Giggles  —  VICTOR 
crosses  down  R.) 

JACK.  (Turning  to  her  as  before)  Oh,  good 
afternoon.  (She  giggles.  Aside)  Good  Lord! 
What's  this?  (To  VICTOR) 

LILLY.  I  hope  you  won't  think  I'm  bold.  (  VIC- 
TOR R.  of  JACK  —  LILLY  c.) 

JACK.  (Dreamily)  To  the  artist  nothing  is  bold. 
(LILLY  giggles.  Aside  to  VICTOR)  What's  the 
matter  with  her?  (VICTOR  reassures  him) 

LILLY,     (c)  No  one  knows  I'm  here. 

JACK.  (c.  —  with  palette  and  brushes)  This 
is  not  a  proposal  of  marriage,  is  it? 

LILLY.    What!  Oh  —  (Bursts  into  a  giggle) 

JACK.  (Aside  to  VICTOR)  I  wish  she  wouldn't 
do  that. 

OTTO.  (Down  L.  c.  To  LILLY)  It's  all  right; 
a  couple  of  women  proposed  to  him  last  week,  and 
he's  nervous.  (Giggle  —  Business  OTTO  to  piano) 

LILLY.  The  girls  said  —  (Face  takes  on  the 
giggle  but  she  smothers  it)  I  wouldn't  dare  do  it. 

JACK.  (Politely)  Oh,  did  they?  and  did  you? 
(She  giggles) 

BRIAN.    Said  ye  wouldn't  dare  do  what? 

LILLY.  Call  on  a  great  man  like  Mr.  Spencer  — 
{Restrains  giggle)  just  to  ask  for  —  (Giggles) 

JACK.  (Aside)  I  shall  swear  in  a  minute!  (To 
LILLY)  To  ask  for  — 

LILLY.  (Struggling  with  her  desire  to  giggle) 
For  —  for  your  autograph. 

JACK.  My  autograph?  (JACK  turns  to  VICTOR 
then  crosses  down  to  table  and  writes;  then  stops 
and  looks  at  LILLY;  she  gives  a  little  giggle.  BRIAN 


THE  GENIUS  53 

gives  him  card.  JACK  looks  at  BRIAN,  then  writes 
on  card  and  gives  it  to  her) 

LILLY.     Oh,  thank  you  ever  so  much. 

JACK.     Now,  don't  lose  it.     (Crosses  R.  c.) 

LILLY.  No  —  I'll  sleep  with  it  under  my  pillow 
every  night,  (c.  coming  and  holding  out  her  hand) 
Good  night. 

JACK.  (Taking  her  hand  absent  mindedly) 
Pleasant  dreams. 

LILLY.  Oh,  (Giggling)  I  meant  good-bye 
(Crosses  L.  3.  E.  and  exit,  giggling) 

JACK.  Yes,  so  did  I  —  (As  LILLY  exits  giggling 
—  JACK  giggles  nervously.  To  others)  Say,  that's 
a  new  kind.  (Crosses  c.) 

OTTO.  Veil,  dot's  a  good  morning's  vork,  eh, 
boys? 

BRIAN.  (Coming  in  front  of  table)  It's  all 
right. 

JACK.     And  now,  how  about  a  spin  in  the  auto? 

OTTO.  You  forget  —  we  have  an  engagement 
at  Mrs.  Van  Browne-Smythe's  Tea. 

JACK.  Oh,  don't  let's  go;  I'm  just  spoiling  for 
a  breath  of  fresh,  inartistic  air.  (Crosses  R.) 

BRIAN.     But  the  Tea's  given  in  your  honor  — 

VICTOR.  (In  front  of  easel)  You  are  ze  lion 
of  ze  occasion. 

JACK.  (R.  c.  to  3  men  c.)  Now,  look  here;  I 
went  to  two  Teas  and  a  reception  yesterday,  didn't 
I? 

OTTO.    Yes,  you  were  a  good  boy  yesterday. 

JACK.  Then  I'm  going  to  be  a  bad  boy  today. 
Good  Lord !  even  a  genius  is  entitled  to  an  occasional 
day  off.  (Crosses  down  R.) 

OTTO.     Now,  Jack,  be  reasonable  —     (Three 


54  THE  GENIUS 

men  follow  him) 

JACK.  No,  I  won't  be  reasonable.  I'm  sick  of 
the  whole  game.  (Crosses  L.  backing  3  men  L.) 
Receptions,  teas,  luncheons,  autographs,  photo- 
graphs, interviews,  would-be  pupils,  would-be  god 
children,  cigars  that  want  to  bear  my  name,  brain 
foods  that  want  my  head,  collars  who  want  my 
neck,  tooth  powders  that  want  my  teeth ;  say,  if  I'd 
known  what  a  time  I  was  stepping  into,  I'd  never 
have  begun  this  genius  business.  (Back  to  c.) 

OTTO.  But  it's  too  late  to  stop  now,  und  der 
tea  — 

JACK.  If  you  say  tea  to  me  again  —  I'll  —  I'll 
—  sing ! 

OTTO.  (To  JACK  c.)  Ach  Gott!  —  I  von't,  I 
von't  — 

JACK.  Go  to  the  darned  tea  yourselves ;  tell  'em 
I'm  sick  in  bed  —  tell  'em  I've  eloped;  tell  fem 
anything  you  please  —  only  get  out,  and  let  me 
forget  Art  exists. 

OTTO.     But  it's  so  rude. 

JACK.  Oh,  no,  not  rude,  pardon  me  —  (Sarcas- 
tically) I'm  a  genius.  (Walking  them  up  L.)  I 
cannot  be  rude;  the  worst  I  can  be  is  a  little 
eccentric;  now,  clear  out!  (Crosses  down  R.  They 
'start  to  go.  JACK  waves  them  out) 

OTTO.  Veil,  I  hope  you're  in  a  better  temper  ven 
ve  come  back  —  at  present  your  genius  is  too 
natural  to  be  amusing.  (JACK  crosses  c.) 

BRIAN.  (At  door)  And  don't  forget,  Jack,  that 
you  neither  smoke  nor  drink  - 

JACK.     (Walking  about)     Go  to  the  devil. 

OTTO.  Don't  go  out,  because  everyone  will 
recognize  you.  (JACK  waves  them  away) 


THE  GENIUS  55 

VICTOR.  And  remember  you  have  nevaire  been 
kissed  by  woman  - 

JACK.  (Takes  fez  off  his  head  and  throws  it  at 
VICTOR.  The  three  artists  laugh  and  exit.  JACK 
stands  c.  looking  miserable.  Looks  at  his  watch; 
then  sinks  on  couch  down  R.)  Four  o'clock  —  a 
beautiful  day,  and  that  auto  just  eating  its  head 

off  in  the  stable  oh,  well  —  (Sighs,  crosses 

and  locks  door  L.  3.  E.  then  raises  visor  of  one  stand 
of  armour  and  takes  out  bottle  of  whiskey;  raises 
visor  of  other  stand,  takes  out  box  of  cigars,  puts 
them  on  table;  opens  bottom  of  music  stand  and 
gets  siphon  and  glasses;  pours  out  whiskey  and" 
drinks  with  sign  of  delight,  then  lights  a  long  cigar. 
Knock  is  heard.  JACK  R.  with  an  exclamation  of 
disgust,  quickly  puts  things  back  in  visors  and 
music  stand.) 

JACK.  Yes,  who's  there?  (Whistle  is  heard) 
Why.  its  Nell.  (JACK  stops,  the  whistle  is  heard 
again,  and  JACK  dashets  over  to  door  L,  opens  it  and 
admits  NELL  who  is  quietly  but  well  dressed) 

JACK.  Thank  Heaven!  (Taking  both  her  hands) 
Nell,  you're  just  in  time  to  save  my  reason. 

NELL.  Why,  what's  the  matter?  (Both  down 
c.  JACK  R.  of  NELL) 

JACK.  I  can't  make  out  whether  I'm  a  lion  in 
an  ass's  skin,  or  an  ass  in  a  lion's  skin. 

NELL.  (Laughs)  In  either  case,  the  other 
animals  haven't  recognized  your  voice  —  Where 
are  Otto  and  the  boys? 

JACK.  At  Mrs.  Van  Brown-Smythe's  tea. 
I  didn't  go  —  because  I'm  not  feeling  well. 

NELL.     What  is  it? 

JACK.     Inflammation  of  the  genius,  I  guess  — 


56  THE  GENIUS 

take  off  your  hat  and  talk  to  a  fellow. 

NELL.     I  can  talk  just  as  well  with  it  on. 

JACK.  No,  you  can't;  somehow,  when  you  take 
off  your  hat,  and  make  yourself  at  home  here,  the 
hard  lot  of  a  genius  seems  a  little  easier  to  bear. 

NELL.  Well,  if  you'll  be  good  and  let  me  give 
you  a  lesson,  I'll  stay.  (Crosses  R.) 

JACK.  Won't  you  let  me  off  today?  (Following 
her)  I  don't  feel  artistic  — 

NELL.  (Sits  on  settee)  No,  you  mustn't  shirk 
your  work;  now,  first,  draw  me  a  head.  (JACK 
sighs,  puts  blank  canvas  on  easel,  and  quickly 
draws  in  charcoal  a  caricature  head) 

JACK.  (As  he  draws)  This  is  all  a  fake,  any- 
how; I'll  never  be  able  to  draw  anything  except  a 
bob  tail  flush,  and  a  check.  (Brings  it  dcwn) 
There,  that's  the  best  I  can  do.  One  of  my 
ancestors  - 

NELL.     It's  rather  impressionistic  — 

JACK.  Yes,  ancestor  on  my  mother's  side  — 
(Puts  it  back)  Say,  how  is  all  this  going  to  end? 

NELL.     I  don't  know  —  I  never  thought  of  that. 

JACK.  Well,  I've  been  thinking  of  it  a  great 
deal,  and  the  more  I  think  the  more  difficult  I  find 
it  to  get  out  of  the  woods ;  my  reputation  keeps  on 
growing  and  there's  no  stopping  the  game  without 
showing  us  all  to  be  cheats  and  swindlers. 

NELL.  (Rising)  There  is  only  one  thing  to  do 
—  you've  got  a  reputation  and  you  must  live  up  to 
it.  Come,  take  off  your  coat  and  get  to  work  on 
this  clay.  (JACK  takes  off  coat  and  NELL  rolls  up 
her  sleeves  —  through  the  next  scene  they  art 
working  on  the  clayf  NELL  instructing  him,  they 
bring  modeling  stand  down  c.) 


THE  GENIUS  57 

JACK.  (R.  of  stand)  Ah,  Nell,  you're  doing 
your  best  to  keep  a  leaky  ship  afloat. 

NELL.  (L.  of  stand  —  Intent  on  modeling)  Use 
your  thumb  —  like  this. 

JACK.     I  haven't  got  a  thumb  like  that. 

NELL.    Don't  be  silly ;  you  know  what  I  mean. 

JACK.    Shall  I  tell  you  what  I  mean? 

NELL.  Tell  me  first  how  things  are  progressing 
between  you  —  and  Miss  Van  Dusen. 

JACK.  That's  easily  told  -  -  they're  not  pro- 
gressing at  all. 

NELL.    Won't  she  listen  to  you  now? 

JACK.  (Rolling  little  balls  of  clay  and  throwing 
them  at  bust)  Well,  you  see  —  I  -  -  I  haven't 
called  on  her  in  over  a  week,  and,  oh,  —  I  don't 
think  she  cares  about  me.  (Business — throws  clay 
at  bust) 

NELL.  But  it's  not  like  you  to  accept  defeat  in 
this  way,  after  doing  so  much,  too. 

JACK.  I  don't  intend  to  accept  defeat.  (Bus. 
slaps  clay  on  NELL'S  hand) 

JACK.     Oh,  I  beg  your  pardon. 

NELL.     But  I  thought  — 

JACK.    Yes,  but  my  plans  are  all  changed  now  — 

NELL.    And  you  never  told  me  anything  about  it. 

JACK.  I  didn't  tell  anyone.  (Looking  at  her) 
You  see,  I  wanted  to  ask  you  first,  how  girls  look 
at  these  things.  (Putting  big  nose  on  bust  with 
clay) 

NELL.     (L.  of  stand)     What  things? 

JACK.  (R.  of  stand)  Nell,  do  you  —  do  you 
believe  a  man's  affections  can  change? 

NELL.  Well,  from  what  little  I've  seen  of  the 
world  —  I  should  think  they  can.. 


58  THE  GENIUS 

JACK.  What  does  a  girl  think  of  a  man  whose 
affections  have  changed? 

NELL.  It  depends  whether  they  have  changed  to 
her,  or  from  her. 

JACK.     Suppose  they  have  changed  to  her? 

NELL.  Then  —  it  all  depends  upon  circumstances. 

JACK.  (Crosses  to  stand  R.  c.  —  Wdshing  and 
drying  his  hands)  The  circumstances  are  that  a 
chap  thinks  he  is  in  love  with  a  girl  who  doesn't 
care  a  rap  for  him.  He  meets  another  girl,  who 
shows  him,  for  the  first  time  in  his  life,  the  charm 
of  real  womanliness,  without  knowing  it  he  becomes 
more  and  more  dependent  upon  her  advice  and 
companionship,  until  one  day  he  realizes  that  he 
doesn't  love  the  first  girl  at  all,  and  that  if  the 
other  goes  out  of  his  life  —  there'll  be  nothing  left 
in  it. 

NELL.  (L.  of  stand)  We're  forgetting  the 
lesson. 

JACK.  Yes,  let's  forget  it  -  -  because  I'm  the 
chap,  and  you're  the  girl. 

NELL.  Mr.  Spencer,  I  --  (Takes  part  of  towel 
and  cleans  hands) 

JACK.  I'm  an  awful  fool  —  Have  a  piece  of 
soap  —  Nell,  you're  the  best  influence  that  ever 
came  into  my  life,  don't  go  out  of  it  — 

NELL.  A  little  more  than  two  weeks  ago  you 
were  planning  to  marry  Miss  Van  Dusen;  you 
didn't  even  know  there  was  a  girl  called  Nell  Gra- 
ham. 

JACK.  Of  course,  I  didn't,  or  I  wouldn't  have 
been  planning  to  marry  anyone  but  her.  (Both  are 
in  front  of  stand)  Why,  when  I'd  known  you  two 
days  I  began  to  thank  my  lucky  stars  that  Josephine 


THE  GENIUS  59 

had  refused  me. 

NELL.  If  you  could  be  mistaken  once,  why  not 
twice? 

JACK.  Now,  that's  unkind.  This  is  the  first 
time  in  my  life  I've  ever  changed  my  mind  about 
a  matter  of  this  sort,  and  you  are  the  last  one  who 
should  blame  me  for  it 

NELL.     Why? 

JACK.  Because,  you  are  the  cause  of  it;  you've 
saved  the  happiness  of  two  lives,  Nell  --  hers  and 
mine.  She  would  have  been  miserable  with  me, 
and  the  thought  of  a  whole  life  full  of  Art  —  Oh — 
(Shudders) 

NELL.    I've  lived  in  the  world  of  Art  all  my  life. 

JACK.  But  you've  lived  by  Art,  and  not  for 
Art.  When  you  look  at  a  fine  piece  of  work  your 
eyes  sparkle  and  you  love  it  because  it's  good  and 
big,  not  because  "the  tone-color  reminds  you  of 
Rubens."  (He  has  wiped  the  clay  off  his  hands 
and  tried  to  take  hers.  She  draws  away) 

NELL.  Mr.  Spencer.  (Crosses  L.  taking  towel 
and  sits  R.  of  table) 

JACK.  (Holding  end  of  towel  and  following 
her)  Please  don't  call  me  Mr.  Spencer;  it  puts  a 
stone  wall  between  us. 

NELL.  You  really  haven't  had  time  to  know 
your  own  mind. 

JACK.  (Sits  on  table)  Time  isn't  a  matter  of 
days  and  weeks ;  I've  wanted  you  all  my  life.  Don't 
blame  me  because  I  didn't  meet  you  till  two  weeks 
ago.  How  much  time  did  Romeo  need  to  know 
that  he  loved  Juliet?  About  ten  minutes,  and, 
besides,  I  forced  myself  to  be  slow.  For  a  whole 
week  I  wouldn't  let  myself  believe  that  you  were 


60  THE  GENIUS 

the  one  woman.  Don't  you  see  it's  a  matter  of  life 
and  death  ?  I  want  you  and  me  to  be  chums  —  and 
the  only  proper  way  to  be  chums  is  to  be  married. 

NELL.  You  are  a  rich  man.  I  am  an  artist's 
model  — 

JACK.  I  know  that  —  but  it's  got  nothing  to  do 
with  the  question. 

NELL.    But  don't  you  see  that  if  I  marry  you  — 

JACK.  Now,  don't  say  the  old  thing  about  my 
friends  not  receiving  you  and  all  that;  we're  not 
living  in  a  problem  play  —  this  is  real  life. 

NELL.    You  will  find  it  more  real  than  you  think. 

JACK.  My  dear  girl,  I'm  not  one  of  those  idiots 
who  believe  that  money  conquers  all  things,  but  the 
fact  that  I'm  rich  doesn't  prevent  your  having  more 
culture  in  your  little  hand  than  I  have  in  my  v/hole 
body.  Why,  the  first  time  I  ever  saw  you,  I  knew 
you  were  a  lady,  because  you  didn't  tell  me  you 
'-ere.  Come,  don't  let  my  money  stand  between 
us.  All  rich  men  are  not  scamps.  I  thought  I 
cared  for  Josephine  and  if  I  hadn't  met  you  I  might 
have  gone  through  life  without  knowing  what  love 
was.  But  I  did  meet  you,  Nell,  and  now  I'm  free 
to  ask  you  to  be  my  wife. 

NELL.    Are  you  sure  I  could  make  you  happy? 

JACK.  Sure  ?  Sure  if  you  will  only  say  you  will 
have  me.  (Taking  her  hand)  Why,  if  you'll  only 
promise  to  marry  me  —  (A  knock  at  the  door 
interrupts  him) 

NELL.  (Starting  away  from  him)  There's 
someone  at  the  door. 

JACK.  Yes,  I  heard  him  too  —  It's  not  the  boys' 
knock.  (They  move  stand  up  c.  Putting  on  his 
coat,  and  pausing  with  it  half  way  on)  Ah,  Nell, 


THE  GENIUS  61 

don't  forget  what  I  just  told  you.  (Another  knock 
interrupts  him,  and  he  quickly  finishes  putting  on 
his  coat)  Say,  wait  until  I  get  rid  of  him,  and 
then  we'll  go  on  with  the  lesson  where  we  left  off. 
That's  the  worst  of  a  studio.  Everyone  comes 
right  in  whether  he's  wanted  or  not. 

NELL.     (R)     Who  is  it? 

JACK.  (R.  c.)  Whoever  it  is,  I'll  get  him  out 
in  two  minutes.  Wait  behind  the  screen.. 

NELL.     Why  should  I?  — 

JACK.  It  would  have  been  all  right  for  us  to 
have  been  alone  together  before  I  was  a  genius, 
but  geniuses  seem  to  have  a  difrerent  code  of 
morals,  and  —  (Leading  her  toward  the  screen)  It's 
all  right  for  them  but  rough  on  the  girl. 

NELL.     Still  —  I  don't  see  — 

JACK.  You  don't  know  how  these  people  talk. 
What  is  all  right  on  Washington  Square  is  most 
improper  on  Fifth  Avenue. 

NELL.  (Down  R.)  I  don't  like  to  hide  as  if  Fd 
done  wrong  — 

JACK.  Then  there's  only  one  alternative  — 
either  you  must  go  behind  that  screen  or  let  me 
tell  them  we're  engaged  to  be  married. 

NELL.     Oh!  Well  --  I'll  go.     (Toward  screen) 

JACK.     I'd  rather  tell  them  we're  engaged. 

NELL.  No,  that  would  look  like  a  sacrifice  on 
your  part. 

TACK.  Nonsense!  (NELL  goes  behind  screen) 
Well,  I  won't  be  a  minute.  (Knock  is  repeated. 
JACK  calls  out  f<all  right"  and  starts  to  open  door. 
'Loud)  Yes,  yes  -  -  (JACK  goes  and  opens  door, 
admitting  a  woman  heavily  veiled) 

Miss  TREVOR.     This  is  Mr.  Spencer? 


62  THE  GENIUS 

JACK.  (Nervously)  Er  —  yes  -  -  (Putting  on 
his  manner)  Good  afternoon.  (Taking  a  few 
steps  R.  c.) 

Miss  TREVOR.     Are  you  alone? 

JACK.  (Looking  around  as  if  half  frightened) 
er  —  yes  —  (Crosses  down  R.) 

Miss  TREVOR.  (Sits  L.  R.  of  table)  Can  you 
spare  me  a  few  moments  on  a  confidential  matter? 

JACK.  Er  —  yes  —  (Aside)  I  wish  I'd  gone  to 
the  tea!  I  had  a  bad  dream  last  night  —  they 
always  come  out  — 

Miss  TREVOR.  Mr.  Spencer,  in  my  whole  lift 
I've  never  done  anything  which  would  make  the 
world  better  for  my  having  lived  in  it. 

JACK.     (R.  c.)     Oh,  I'm  so  sorry  — 

Miss  TREVOR.  Life  has  been  a  mad  whirl  of 
social  functions. 

JACK.     (Aside)     How  tactless! 

Miss  TREVOR.  But  when  I  first  saw  your 
wonderful  work  in  painting  and  sculpture,  I  knew 
that,  at  last,  a  field  was  open  to  me  - 

JACK.     (Crosses  c.)     But  I  don't  take  pupils. 

Miss  TREVOR.  You  don't  understand  me;  fate 
has  been  very  generous  to  me  in  the  matter  of 
physical  charm. 

JACK.  (Looks  around  nervously)  Ah,  indeed! 
(Crosses  R.  c.  sits  on  settee) 

Mis"s  TREVOR.  (Crosses  to  JACK  —  taking  off 
her  hat  and  veil  with  it)  My  friends  have  told  me 
that  if  I  would  consent  to  pose,  the  artist  would  be 
inspired  to  great  things.  I've  thought  it  all  over 
and  decided,  that  just  as  your  gifts  belong  to  the 
tforld,  mine  belong  to  you.  (JACK  thunderstruck. 
Sitting  beside  JACK)  Will  you  not  make  me  the 


THE  GENIUS  63 

model  of  your  next  picture? 

JACK.     Why,  thank  you,  really,  I  don't  think  - 
(With  a  sudden  thought)     You  know    my    next 
picture  is  a  —  a  little  conception  of  the  Creation. 

Miss  TREVOR.  The  Creation !  A  subject  worthy 
of  you! 

JACK.  —  and  the  only  figures  I  show  are  — 
Adam  and  Eve  —  at  twilight. 

Miss  TREVOR.     Well,  as  to  Eve? 

JACK.  (Twirling  string  of  gown)  Yes,  but,  of 
course,  I  can  only  use  professional  models. 

Miss  TREVOR.  And  yet  it  seems  a  pity  that  you 
should  be  driven  to  use  mercenary  people  in  a  work 
like  that. 

JACK.    Yes,  but,  of  'course,  it  can't  be  helped. 

Miss  TREVOR.  Suppose  I  show  you  —  (Business 
picking  handkerchief)  That  there  is  one  woman 
who,  for  the  sake  of  Art,  can  rise  above  the  con- 
ventionalities. 

JACK.  (Rising  —  Taking  her  meaning)  What! 
(Aside)  I've  called  a  straight  flush! 

Miss  TREVOR.  You  are  an  artist  and  you  will 
understand,  that  is  all  I  ask.  (JACK  crosses  L.) 
Of  course,  I  must  come  to  you  secretly. 

JACK.     (c.  Miss  TREVOR  rises)     But  — 

Miss  TREVOR.  And  even  you  must  not  know  my 
name,  (Drawing  a  sigh  of  satisfaction)  Well, 
that's  settled.  (JACK  is  too  dazed  to  speak)  Now, 
when  do  you  want  me  to  begin? 

JACK.  (Sits  on  chair  R.  of  table)  I  -  -  I  don't 
know  -  -  I  -  -  (Aside)  Four  years  from  next 
March  —  Oh,  why  don't  those  men  come  back?  — 
I'm  getting  so  nervous. 

Miss  TREVOR.     (Rising)    I  will  be  ready  at  any 


64  THE  GENIUS 

time;  this  afternoon  —  if  you  wish.  (Crossing  to 
him) 

JACK.  (Jumping  up)  No,  no  not  now  —  I 
haven't  got  my  ideas  together.  I I  —  (Des- 
perately -  -  back  to  settee)  don't  you  see  you're 
disturbing  my  atmosphere? 

Miss  TREVOR.  Then  I'll  leave  you  -  -  (Putting 
on  her  hat)  and  remember,  no  one  is  to  know  but 
you  and  I. 

JACK.  You  need  have  no  fear.  I'm  just  as 
much  ashamed  of  it  as  you  are. 

Miss  TREVOR.  (Crossing  to  door)  I'll  come 
in  every  day  to  find  out  when  you're  ready  to 
begin  —  au  revoir!  (Exit) 

JACK.  (Going  up  c.  As  door  closes)  No,  no,  I 
won't  begin  for  months,  for  years,  I  may  never 
begin  —  (Looks  at  door)  Oh,  Lord !  What  a  life ! 
(Knock  at  the  door.  JACK  opens  door  admitting 
woman  heavily  veiled.  Working  down  c.)  I'm 
very  sorry,  madam,  but  I  have  all  the  models  I  can 
possibly  use;  if  you  will  send  me  your  name  and 
address,  I'll  let  you  know  the  first  vacancy  that 
occurs.  I'm  very  sorry,  but,  of  course,  I  didn't 
know  you  were  coming — •  (Bowing)  Good  day. 
(The  woman  removes  her  veil  and  is  discovered 
to  be  JOSEPHINE)  Josephine!  (JACK  glances  at 
screen  and  seems  to  be  ill  at  ease) 

JOSEPHINE.  Jack,  are  we alone?  (He  sees 

NELL'S  hat  and  throws  it  over  screen) 

JACK.    Didn't  you  bring  a  chaperone? 

JOSEPHINE.  No,  what  I  have  to  say  is  for  no 
other  ears  than  yours. 

JACK.  Then  we'd  better  wait  —  I  —  I  expect 
my  friends  back  every  moment. 


THE  GENIUS  65 

JOSEPHINE.  (Crosses  to  table  L.  sits)  I  left  Mrs. 
Van  Browne-Smythe's  as  soon  as  they  arrived.  I 
had  to  see  you,  Jack;  I  hope  you  do  not  think  me 
unmaidenly  in  coming  to  see  you? 

JACK.  (Getting  more  and  more  uneasy)  Nothing 
is  unmaidenly  that  is  done  in  the  cause  of  Art. 

JOSEPHINE.     But  this  is  a  personal  matter. 

JACK.     (Aside)  My  finish! 

JOSEPHINE.  I've  just  found  out  why  you've 
avoided  me  for  the  past  week. 

JACK,  (c)  Oh!  (Looks  toward  screen  and 
squirms  ) 

JOSEPHINE.  You  were  afraid,  now  that  you  arc 
famous,  that  your  attentions  might  compromise  me, 
but  I,  too,  have  been  thinking,  and  decided  that 
rather  than  ruin  the  happiness  of  two  lives,  I  would 
come  to  you  and  disregard  the  conventionalities — 

JACK.  (Crosses  R.)  Eh?  What?  How  do  you 
mean? 

JOSEPHINE.  (Rising  and  following  to  c.)  By 
telling  you  that  I  regret  my  foolish  words,  and  will 
accept  your  offer  of  marriage  —  (JACK  too  dumb- 
founded to  speak,  sinks  on  sofa)  It  was  noble 
of  you  to  conceal  your  genius,  but,  after  all,  was  it 
quite  fair  to  me? 

JACK.  (To  her  c.)  Josephine,  what  you  are 
saying  is  very  flattering  to  me,  but  you're  deceiving 
yourself.  You  don't  care  a  rap  for  me. 

JOSEPHINE.     (L.  c.)     You  are  cruel  — 

JACK,  (c)  No,  really,  suppose  that  after  all, 
I  knew  nothing  of  Art,  that  I  were  the  plain  Jack 
Spencer  you  used  to  know  — 

JOSEPHINE.  My  eyes  have  been  opened,  and  I 
can  see  your  soul  — 


66  THE  GENIUS 

JACK.    Can  you  —  where? 

JOSEPHINE.  Whether  or  not  you  can  create  with 
your  hands,  I  can  see  for  myself  the  soul  of  a  great 
artist. 

JACK.  (Crosses  R.  c.)  But,  my  dear  girl,  you're 
deceiving  yourself.  My  soul  hasn't  changed  a  bit. 
I've  got  the  same  old  soul  I've  had  for  years. 

JOSEPHINE.  (Following  to  c.)  Ah,  Jack,  I  have 
a  woman's  instinct,  which  tells  me  what  you  are. 
For  years  I  have  been  waiting  for  the  perfect  man 
—  and  now  I  know  you  are  he. 

JACK.  (Coming  c.  turning  on  her}  Who  told 
you  that? 

JOSEPHINE.  Everyone  knows  that  your  lips  have 
never  been  touched  by  woman. 

JACK.  (Turning  away)  I'll  kill  that  damn 
Frenchman. 

JOSEPHINE.  (Crossing  to  him)  That  is  why  I 
know  you  would  understand  if  I  came  myself  —  to 
bring  you  my  answer.  (A  loud  knock  at  the  door, 
up  L.  c.  JOSEPHINE  starts)  Oh,  we're  discovered! 
Jack,  hide  me.  (Crosses  L.  above  table) 

JACK.     (To  c)     Why,  it's  all  right. 

JOSEPHINE.  No,  no,  I  mustn't  be  found  alone 
with  you. 

JACK.    Why  not?    We've  done  nothing  wrong. 

JOSEPHINE.  No,  but  if  a  girl  is  found  alone  with 
a  genius,  her  reputation  is  ruined. 

JACK.  (Indignantly)  No  —  I  don't  believe  it. 
(Looks  at  screen) 

JOSEPHINE.     It's  true  —  ah,  you  must  hide  me ! 

JACK.  (Crosses  R.  2.)  All  right.  Here  — 
(Crossing  to  R.  2.  E.)  In  this  room.  (JOSEPHINE 
starts  to  go  in  —  then  recoils  with  a  cry) 


THE  GENIUS  67 

JOSEPHINE.     (Starts  back)    Oh,  —  no,  no  - 

JACK.     What's  the  matter? 

JOSEPHINE.     It's  a  bed  room! 

JACK.  (Desperately)  I  can't  help  it;  you  don't 
expect  me  to  sleep  in  the  park  do  you? 

JOSEPHINE.  (Crosses  L.  c.)  Oh!  I  couldn't  go 
in  there? 

JACK.  (Falling  to  c.)  It's  the  only  place  I've 
got.  (Another  knock) 

JOSEPHINE.  (Seeing  screen)  Ah,  I'll  go  behind 
this  screen. 

JACK.  (To  R.  c.  Stopping  her)  No,  no  —  not 
there ! 

JOSEPHINE.  (They  dodge  each  other)  Yes  — 
yes  —  Let  me  go,  Jack  — 

JACK.  No,  no,  you  don't  understand.  It  might 
be  improper  on  Washington  Square,  but  it's  all 
right  on  Fifth  Avenue.  (Knock) 

JOSEPHINE.  They're  coming  in  —  my  reputation 
—  (Tries  to  go  to  screen) 

JACK.  (Holding  her  back)  Who  would  dare 
say  anything  against  it? 

JOSEPHINE.  (To  him  behind  settee)  Jack. 
There's  only  one  alternative  —  you  must  announce 
our  engagement! 

JACK.  What?  No,  not  —  not  so  soon,  that  is, 
we're  not  engaged  —  (Another  knock) 

JOSEPHINE.     Then  I  will  go  behind  that  screen. 

JACK.  No,  no  -  -  I  take  it  back ;  I'll  tell  them 
anything  you  like. 

JOSEPHINE.  (Front  of  settee  —  Calming  down 
and  going  down  R.)  Very  well.  Open  the  door. 
(JACK,  with  an  agonized  look  at  the  screen  goes 
and  opens  door.  PERCY  comes  in) 


68  THE  GENIUS 

JACK.  (With  slight  surprise)  Oh,  how  d'ye 
do,  Clutterbuck.  I  thought  I  heard  someone  knock. 

PERCIVAL.  (Coming  L.  c.  JACK  c.)  Knock!  I 
should  say  you  did!  (Seeing  JOSEPHINE) 

JACK.    You  are  knocking  so  much  better. 

PERCIVAL.  Why,  Josephine,  where  is  your 
mother  ? 

JOSEPHINE.     At  Mrs.  Van  Browne-Smythe's  — 

PERCIVAL.  (c)  Surely,  you  have  not  been  rash 
enough  to  come  alone  to  a  studio  —  (Turning  to 
JACK)  Spencer,  how  could  you  permit  her  to  do 
so? 

JACK.     Permit  her  —  Gosh!  (Up  stage  c.) 

JOSEPHINE.  (To  JACK)  But  it's  all  right, 
Percy;  Jack  and  I  have  decided  to  announce  our 
engagement.  (Head  on  JACK'S  shoulder) 

PERCIVAL.  Your  engagement.  (Turns  to  JACK 
who  is  forced  to  nod) 

JOSEPHINE.  (L.  c.  Crossing  to  PERCY)  Congratu- 
late me,  Percy;  Pm  the  happiest  girl  in  the  world. 

PERCIVAL.  (L.  Mournfully)  I  congratulate  you 
both. 

JACK.      (R.  More  mournfully)     Thank  you. 

JOSEPHINE.  And  now  I  must  be  going  back  to 
Mrs.  Van  Browne-Smythe's.  Mamma  and  I  will 
stop  for  you  on  the  way  home,  Jack. 

JACK.     (Despairingly)     All  right. 

JOSEPHINE.  Good-bye,  Percy.  (Turns  and 
holds  out  her  hands  to  JACK.  In  a  tone  full  of 
love)  Good-bye,  Jack.  My  Genius.  (Holds  out 
both  her  hands) 

JACK.  (Takes  her  right  hand  absent-mindedly, 
shakes  it,  then  takes  left  same  business)  Good- 
bye — 


THE  GENIUS  69 

JOSEPHINE.  (At  door)  But  only  for  half  an 
hour.  (She  exits.  JACK  dosses  door  and  comes 
down  R.  c.  PERCY  at  table) 

PERCIVAL.  Spencer,  you  must  be  a  very  happy 
man? 

JACK.     (R.  c.)     Yes,  mustn't  I? 

PERCIVAL.  (To  c.)  You  know  what  my  feeling 
toward  her  has  been;  but  youVe  beaten  me  fairly. 
(Holding  out  his  hands)  Be  good  to  her,  Spencer — 

JACK.  (Crosses  c.  Taking  his  hands  —  Both  c.) 
Clutterbuck,  don't  give  up  hope,  old  man,  you've 
still  got  a  chan'ce. 

PERCIVAL.    What  do  you  mean? 

JACK.  A  girl  as  young  as  Josephine  doesn't 
know  her  own  mind  —  she  may  really  care  more 
for  you. 

PERCIVAL.  Even  if  she  does,  I  cannot,  in  honor, 
make  love  to  my  friend's  fiancee.  (Crosses  and 
takes  hat  from  table)  Good-bye,  Spencer;  I  came 
to  talk  business,  but  if  you  don't  mind,  I'll  put  it 
off  till  tomorrow.  (Up  to  door.) 

JACK.     I  don't  mind. 

PERCIVAL.  (Up  to  door  L.  3.  E.)  You  see  I  really 
thought  quite  a  lot  of  that  girl.  (Sighs  and  exits. 
JACK  crosses  L.  c.  turns  and  NELL  comes  slowly  out 
from  behind  screen) 

JACK.  Nell,  I  —  I  don't  know  what  to  say  to 
you  — 

NELL.  (c.  Trying  to  smile)  There  is  nothing 
to  be  said. 

JACK.     (LC.)     You  must  despise  me  — 

NELL.  (c.  holding  out  her  hand)  You  poor 
boy,  you  did  it  for  me. 

JACK.    (Taking  her  hand)    NeH,  you're  the  best 


70  THE  GENIUS 

little  Pal  a  man  ever  had.  (She  starts  for  door 
L.  R.)  You're  not  going  to  leave  me? 

NELL.     I  must. 

JACK.     (L)  But  you'll  let  me  see  you  tomorrow — 

NELL.     (Shaking  her  head)     No  — 

JACK.  (L)  You  don't  mean  our  friendship  has 
got  to  stop? 

NELL.    It  is  better  for  us  both  that  it  should. 

JACK.    But,  Nell,  it's  the  best  thing  in  my  life. 

NELL.    You  must  put  it  out  of  your  life. 

JACK.     But  it's  you  I  love  -  -  you ! 

NELL,    (c)  You  are  engaged  to  Miss  Van  Dusen. 

JACK.  I  can't  help  it  —  (Crossing  R.)  I  didn't 
want  to  be  —  (Turns  to  her)  I  won't  marry  any- 
one but  you.  She  knows  I  don't  want  to  marry 
her  — 

NELL,  (c)  You  have  promised,  and  she  will 
hold  you  to  your  word. 

JACK.  It's  all  this  genius  business.  I'll  denounce 
myself  as  an  imposter ;  I'd  rather  go  to  prison  than 
marry  her. 

NELL.     You  mustn't  break  faith  with  the  boys. 

JACK.  And  if  I  remain  famous  she'll  make  me 
marry  her.  Confound  it!  I  don't  want  to  be  a 
human  sarcifice  to  Art.  Oh,  Nell,  isn't  there  any 
way  out  of  it? 

NELL.    No  —  Good-bye  — 

JACK.  (R.  turning  to  her)  Nell,  you  can't  leave 
me  alone  in  this  horrible  world  of  Art.  I'm  like  a 
child  in  a  desert. 

NELL.     Oh,  you  can  manage  without  me  now. 

JACK.  (Going  to  her)  I'll  never  be  able  to 
manage  without  you  as  long  as  I  live.  (She  starts 
to  go,  he  takes  her  hand)  Only  tell  me  one  thing 


THE  GENIUS  71 

—  Do  you  care,  too? 

NELL.  You  mustn't  ask  me  —  that  -  -  Good- 
bye — 

JACK.  Not  good-bye,  Nell,  just  -  -  so  long  — 
(He  stands  c.  watching  her  off  —  "NELL"  —  H* 
presses  her  hand,  and  she  exits  quickly  L.  3.  E.  He 
pauses  and  waves  to  her  from  the  doort  then  closes 
the  door,  goes  up  to  the  window  and  waves  from 
there,  then  turns  and  begins  to  get  angry.  He  rips 
off  his  coat  and  throws  it  down,  reaches  inside  door 
R.  2.  E.  and  gets  out  automobile  hat  and  coat;  whih 
he  puts  them  on,  sticks  a  cigar  in  his  mouth,  and 
meanwhile  the  three  artists  enter  L.  3.  E.  laughing 
and  talking.  They  stop  on  seeing  JACK) 

OTTO.  (Rushing  over  to  JACK)  Jack,  my  boy, 
I  congratulate  you. 

BRIAN.  (In  line  with  OTTO)  So  you've  brought 
it  off  at  last. 

VICTOR.  (In  line  with  BRIAN)  Miss  Van  Dusen 
is  waiting  for  you  down  stairs. 

OTTO.    But  vat  are  you  doing? 

BRIAN.     Sure,  he's  breakin'  the  rules. 

VICTOR.  Ze  automobile,  mon  Dieu!  He  will  be 
recognized ! 

OTTO.    Jack,  vere  are  you  going? 

JACK.  (Through  his  teeth)  I'm  going  to  the 
stable,  and  I'm  going  to  have  that  auto  loaded  up 
to  nozzle  with  gasoline,  then  I'm  going  carefully 
through  this  town,  till  I  get  out  into  God's  country ; 
then  I'm  going  to  pull  that  lever  as  far  out  as  she'll 
go,  and  make  up  for  two  weeks ;  I'm  going  to  leave 
a  line  of  dust  half  across  the  state,  and  I'm  coming 
back  when  I  get  ready.  (To  door) 

VICTOR.     But  your  promise  to«us  — 


72  THE  GENIUS 

JACK.    Oh,  I'll  keep  my  promise. 

OTTO.     But  your  fiancee  — 

JACK.     Fiancee  —  be  damned  —  (Rushes  off 

L.  3.  E.) 

-:-  CURTAIN  -:- 

2nd  Curtain  all  three  artists  heads  out  door  back 
to  audience 


THE  GENIUS  73 

- :-  THE  GENIUS  -  :- 

ACT  III 

TiME:-Ott£  week  later.    Music  at  rise. 

SCENE :-  Art  Exhibition  Room  in  New  York  City. 

The  stage  shows  one  of  a  connected  series  of 

art  rooms.     Large  arch  R.  2.  E.,  and  L.  2.  E. 

leading  into  rooms  R.  and  L.    Entrance  at  back 

on  extreme  L.  leading  into  room  devoted  to 

sculpture,  and  through  this  entrance  a  glimpse 

is  caught  of  several  pieces  of  sculpture.     The 

room  is  richly  hung,  and  all  entrances  have 

portieres.     Large  circular  settee,  such  as  used 

in  art  galleries  up  c.     Small  settee  R.  and  L. 

The  entire  back  wall  is  covered  with  pictures, 

most  of  those  in  Act  I  being  used.     Pictures 

on  L.  wall.     Piano  standing  below  R.  arch. 

CYRIL.      (Entering  upper  L.   with  CYRUS.     To 

CYRUS)    It  was  very  generous  of  you,  Mr.  Jenkins, 

to  lend  your  Spencer  to  the  exhibit. 

CYRUS.     (To  c.)     Oh,  I  couldn't  refuse.     The 
Committee  called  on  my  wife  and  asked  her  for 
it.     (They  stroll  around  together  and  off  R.  2.  E.) 
MRS.  VAN  BROWN-SMYTHE.  (Enters  right  upper 
with  PERCY.    Down  c.  to  PERCY)    Yes,  this  exhibi- 
tion is  a  positive  triumph  for  you,  Mr.  Clutterbuck. 
PERCY.     For  me? 

MRS.  VAN  BROWN-SMYTHE.  (R)  Yes.  Had  it 
not  been  for  you,  Spencer  might  still  have  been 
hiding  his  light  under  a  bushel;  the  world  of  Art 
can  never  pay  you  its  debt  of  gratitude. 

PERCY.  (R.  c.  Complacently)  Oh,  you  flatter 
me,  Mrs.  Van  Brown-Smythe ;  What  I  have  done 
in  the  way  of  giving  him  help  and  advice,  has 
perhaps  aided  him  a  little.  (Miss  TREVOR  rises  up 


74  THE  GENIUS 

and  off  R.  slowly) 

MRS.  VAN  BROWN-SMYTHE.  A  little!  why, 
everybody  knows  he  owes  his  present  position  to 
you  alone.  Your  discovery  of  him  has  made  you 
the  critic  of  New  York. 

PERCY.  To  the  trained  eye  —  (Indicates  painting) 
His  talent  was  quite  self-evident.  There  is  no 
credit  due  me  for  discovering  that,  (Walking)  but 
if  has  gratified  me  very  much  to  see  how  my  friends 
have  upheld  my  opinions. 

MRS.  VAN  BROWN-SMYTHE.  (Indicating  two 
pictures  —  L.)  Why,  could  anything  be  plainer 
than  the  genius  of  his  work?  Only  compare  his 
painting  with  his  pupil  Le  Mercier.  Some  people 
have  said  that  their  styles  are  similar,  but  we  who 
know  can  see  the  difference,  the  wonderful  transi- 
tion of  tones,  (JOSEPHINE  and  MRS.  VAN  DUSEN 
enter  R.  crosses  to  c.  The  instant  JOSEPHINE  enters, 
PERCY  up  c.)  the  depth  of  conception  in  every 
stroke  of  the  brush,  mark  the  master,  while  the 
work  of  his  pupil  is,  after  all,  mere  imitation.  (By 
this  time  the  others  have  strolled  off  R.  and  L.) 

MRS.  VAN  DUSEN.  (Crosses  L.  c.  To  MRS.  VAN 
BROWN-SMYTHE.)  Why,  my  dear  how  do  you  do? 
(She  talks  with  MRS.  VAN  BROWN-SMYTHE) 

PERCY.  (To  JOSEPHINE)  You  have  not  yet 
publicly  announced  your  engagement? 

JOSEPHINE.  No,  Mamma  wanted  to  refurnish 
the  drawing-room  first. 

MRS.  VAN  DUSEN.  (To  MRS.  VAN  BROWN- 
SMYTHE)  Mr.  Spencer  himself  gave  me  the  color 
scheme  pink  plush  against  pale  green  wall  paper.  He 
is  so  delightfully  original  in  these  matters.  (JACK 


THE  GENIUS  75 

enters  through  arch  L.  down  c.  Looks  rather  haggard 
and  unkept.  As  soon  as  he  appears  all  four  people 
rush  to  him.  MRS.  VAN  DUSEN  L.  of  PERCY,  and 
MRS.  VAN  BROWN-SMYTHE  L.  of  MRS.  VAN  DUSEN 
JOSEPHINE  R.  of  JACK.  LILLY  jumps  up  and  'stands 
admiring  JACK,  then  off  R.)  Oh,  there  you  are! 
How  do  you  do?  I  was  so  afraid  you  weren't 
coming  —  everyone  has  been  waiting  for  a  glimpse 
of  you,  etc.,  etc.  (JACK  tries  to  greet  them  all  at 
once,  and  smiles  in  a  sickly  way) 

JACK.  (Coming  a  little  below  ottoman  c. )  Good 
afternoon,  good  afternoon  - 

PERCY.  Your  three  pupils  were  asking  for  you. 
(Exit  CYRIL  and  LILLY  R.  3.  E.) 

JACK.  Don't  tell  them  I'm  here;  I  wish  to  say 
a  few  words  to  Miss  Van  Dusen  before  I  see  them. 

PERCY.  Oh,  very  well,  we'll  leave  you  alone 
together.  (To  the  two  ladies)  Come,  ladies,  let 
me  show  you  the  new  piece  of  sculpture  only  cast 
yesterday.  (MRS.  VAN  BROWN-SMYTHE  bouts  to 
JACK  up  L.  with  PERCY.  He  leads  MRS.  VAN  BROWN- 
SMYTHE  to  L.  u.  E.) 

MRS.  VAN  DUSEN.  (Crosses  to  JACK)  Remem- 
ber, you  can  be  seen  from  both  sides. 

JACK.     (L.  Looking  at  her  blankly)    Yes,  but  — 

MRS.  VAN  DUSEN.  (Shaking  her  finger  at  JACK 
and  laughing)  Oh,  a  word  to  the  wise;  your 
engagement  will  not  be  announced  until  tomorrow. 
(Join  the  others  and  exeunt  L.  u.  E.  JACK  turn's  to 
JOSEPHINE,  who  has  seated  herself  on  settee  c.) 

JACK.  (Way  down  R.)  Josephine,  there  is  some- 
thing I  want  to  say  to  you. 

JOSEPHINE.  (On  circular  settee)  Yes,  come 
here  and  tell  me. 


76  THE  GENIUS 

JACK.  (Sitting  by  her,  but  keeping  as  far  away 
as  possible)  You  may  have  noticed  that  my  manner 
during  the  last  week  has  been  absent  -  -  pre- 
occupied — 

JOSEPHINE.  Yes,  I  have  noticed  it,  and  I  knew 
there  was  something  on  your  mind  —  something 
that  stands  between  the  perfect  affinity  of  our  souls. 

JACK.  A  term  you  used  the  other  day  has  been 
ringing  in  my  ears,  and  I  must  tell  you  the  truth. 

JOSEPHINE.     The  truth? 

JACK.     Josephine,  I  am  unworthy  of  you. 

JOSEPHINE.    Ah,  you  must  let  me  judge  of  that 

JACK.  You  said  you  had  been  waiting  for  the 
"perfect  man"  and  that  you  had  found  him  in  me. 

JOSEPHINE.     (Looking  at  him  lovingly)     Yes. 

JACK.  You  were  never  more  deceived  in  your 
life;  that  is  why  I  would  not  touch  your  lips  —  I 
wished  you  to  know  all  — 

JOSEPHINE.    All!  What  do  you  mean? 

JACK.    I  don't  know  how  to  tell  you  — 

JOSEPHINE.  (The  idea  dawning  on  her)  Have 
you  a  past? 

JACK.  Yes,  that's  the  word;  I  have  more  pasts 
than  I  can  remember.  (JOSEPHINE  rises,  crosses 
down  c.  JACK  rises  —  following.  He  looks  hope- 
ful) Now  you  know  why  I  am  unfit  for  you;  I 
will  not  drag  you  down  to  my  level  —  and  I  release 
you  from  your  promise  to  me.  (JOSEPHINE  slowly 
turns  and  looks  at  him,  then  holds  out  her  hands< 
which  he  is  forced  to  take) 

JOSEPHINE.     Forgive  me  — 

JACK.    Forgive  you!    For  what? 

JOSEPHINE.    For  shrinking  from  you. 

JACK.      (Trying  to  reledse  his  hands  and  back 


THE  GENIUS  77 

away  from  her)  You  were  right.  Don't  try  to 
save  my  feelings  —  Oh,  when  I  think  of  what  I 
am  —  I  shrink  from  myself. 

JOSEPHINE.  No,  I  was  wrong;  I  did  not  realize 
that  genius  is  not  like  the  common  herd.  QACK 
release's  his  hands)  There  is  nothing  wrong  in 
your  admiration  of  other  women. 

JACK.  (Crosses  down  L.)  But,  you  don't  under- 
stand — 

JOSEPHINE.  (Following  him)  I  am  a  poor, 
ordinary  woman;  my  brain  is  not  sufficient  to  be 
your  sole  mental  companion;  no  one  woman  can 
supply  the  feminine  compliment  of  a  soul  as  large 
as  yours.  No,  I  will  not  be  jealous  of  them. 

JACK.  But  I  tell  you  I'm  thoroughly  bad  (Crosses 
R.  c.)  I  haven't  told  you  half  —  I'm  a  drunkard  — 
a  gambler  —  I  walk  in  my  sleep. 

JOSEPHINE.  (c)What  would  be  bad  in  the  rest 
of  the  world,  is  only  your  freedom  from  the  narrow 
laws  of  men. 

JACK.  But,  my  dear  girl,  I'm  a  brute;  if  you 
marry  me  I'm  sure  I  should  beat  you  —  I'm  subject 
to  fits  of  unreasonable  rage ;  I  walk  in  my  sleep  — 
(Crosses  to  c.) 

JOSEPHINE.  (Follows)  No,  I  wont*  listen  to 
another  word  --we  must  learn  to  forgive  each 
other  little  things. 

JACK.     Little  things?  — 

JOSEPHINE.  Yes,  in  the  light  of  our  perfect 
understanding  all  these  external  facts  are  very 
small.  (JACK  up  to  ottoman  c.  —  JOSEPHINE 
following  him)  and  I  will  help  you  overcome 
temptations.  If  you  strike  me,  I  shall  know  it  is 
not  you,  but  just  a  physical  reaction  from  your 


78  THE  GENIUS 

work.  (JACK  sinks  in  settee.  JOSEPHINE  looking 
off  R.  2.  E.)  Here  come  your  pupils,  I'll  go  to 
Mamma.  Now  don't  think  about  it  any  more ;  you 
should  have  trusted  me  from  the  first.  (Turns  and 
exit  L.  3.  E.  Enter  the  three  artists  R.  2.  E.  They 
stop  as  they  see  JACK) 

BRIAN.  (Crosses  to  ottoman)  Ah,  there  ye 
are ;  how  did  ye  get  away  from  the  crowd  ? 

JACK.     They  haven't  seen  me  yet. 

OTTO.  (Below  BRIAN)  Veil,  cheer  up,  anyhow, 
I  don't  know  vat  is  der  matter  lately  —  ever  since 
you  told  me  of  your  engagement  you  haf  been 
silent  —  and  blue. 

VICTOR.  (Below  OTTO)  But  et  is  good  for  ze 
business,  you  haf  nevaire  looked  so  like  a  genius 
before  — 

JACK.  I  guess  you'd  look  blue  if  your  last  hope 
had  just  gone  out  that  door. 

OTTO.  Vy,  Has  Miss  Van  Dusen  broken  her 
engagement  ? 

JACK.  (Rising)  No,  hang  it  all!  She  won't 
I've  told  her  I'm  everything  from  a  wife  beater  to 
a  horse  thief,  but  she  thinks  that  being  a  genius 
makes  up  for  everything. 

BRIAN.  (Coming  down  c.  with  OTTO  and  VIC- 
TOR to  settee  R.)  Why,  do  ye  want  her  to  break 
the  engagement? 

JACK.  (On  settee  L.)  Say,  are  you  men  blind? 
Can't  you  see  that  my  one  thought  is  to  make  Jose- 
phine throw  me  over?  I  can't  go  back  on  my 
word  — 

VICTOR.  (In  front  of  settee  R.)  But  vy  haf  yot: 
changed  your  mind? 

JACK.    Boys,  I've  got  a  confession  to  make. 


THE  GENIUS  79 

OTTO.  Don't  tell  it  to  us,  write  it;  it  vill  bring 
in  more  cash  than  all  der  three  arts  together. 
(Crosses  to  settee  R.  and  sit)  Ve  can  call  it  "Con- 
fessions of  a  Genius."  (Three  artists  sit  on  settee 

E.) 

JACK.  Don't  hit  a  man  when  he's  down  —  I'm 
serious. 

OTTO.     Veil,  vot  is  der  confession. 

JACK.     (Rising  and  crossing  to  c.)  I'm  trying  to 
break  off  my  engagement  with  Miss  Van  Dusen  - 
because  I  want  to  marry  Nell  Graham.     (The  three 
men  look  at  one  another  amazed.    They  rise)  This 
genius  business  has  got  everything  balled  up. 

OTTO.  So;  now  I  see  vy  Nell  has  been  so  quiet 
for  der  last  veek. 

JACK.  (Eagerly)  Has  she?  Do  you  think  she 
cares  ? 

OTTO.  And  you  haf  made  lofe  to  her  vile  you 
were  engaged  to  this  Miss  Van  Dusen? 

JACK.  No,  I  haven't.  The  minute  I  became 
engaged,  I  stopped  seeing  Nell. 

OTTO.  (Crosses  to  JACK  c.  BRIAN  to  OTTO'S 
place)  So  —  you  play  with  our  little  girl  —  by 
tarn!  dot's  too  much.  Vee  help  you  vin  Miss  Van 
Dusen,  and  you  repay  us  by  making  our  Nell  un- 
happy. 

JACK.  Now,  go  slow,  old  man,  I  asked  Nell  to 
marry  me  and  — 

OTTO.     You  asked  her  to  marry  you! 

JACK.     Yes. 

OTTO.  Gott  in  Himmel !  How  many  women  do 
you  vant  to  marry,  anyhow? 

JACK.     (Getting  angry)     One,  damn  it  all! 

OTTO.     (Crosses  L.  Pointing  out  L.  u.  E.)  Then 


80  THE  GENIUS 

go  and  marry  der  only  von  you  haf  any  right  to. 

JACK.  Oh,  Fluff!  (Takes  OTTO  by  his  lapels 
and  sits  him  on  settee  L.)  Now,  be  quiet  and  letf 
me  talk  sense  for  a  minute.  My  being  a  genius  is 
the  only  thing  that  makes  Josephine  want  me;  if  I 
could  try  and  win  Nell.  Very  well,  it  is  perfectly 
plain  then  that  I  must  cease  to  be  a  genius  — 

BRIAN.     (R.  c.)     But  our  agreement. 

VICTOR.     (R)     Ze  promise  not  to  betray  us. 

JACK,  (c)  That's  the  point.  You  must  release 
me  from  that  promise ;  the  only  way  that  this  mess 
can  be  cleared  up,  is  for  me  to  denounce  myself  as 
an  imposter. 

VICTOR.  (Sits  on  settee  R.)  But,  mon  Dieu!  It 
will  ruin  everything. 

JACK.  I  can't  help  it;  I  won't  marry  any  one 
but  Nell  —  unless  I'm  carried  to  church  on  a 
stretcher ! 

OTTO.  If  you  denounce  yourself  as  an  imposter, 
you  may  be  — 

BRIAN.  Sure,  we'll  get  a  good  laugh  out  of  it, 
anyway,  and  if  Jack  really  wants  to  marry  Nell  — 
why,  (Looking  JACK  up  and  down)  she  might  do 
worse. 

OTTO.     I  suppose  you  know  vat  you  are  doing? 

JACK.  Sure!  I'm  throwing  off  my  old  man  of 
the  sea;  I'm  getting  out  of  Art  -  -  Josephine  will 
hate  me,  and  I'll  be  plain  Jack  Spencer  once  more, 

OTTO.     But  vat  can  ve  tell  der  public? 

JACK.     Tell  them  the  truth. 

VICTOR.  Mon  Dieu!  It  is  not  professoinal  eti- 
quette. 

BRIAN.  Well,  if  your  mind's  made  up,  I  guess 
we  don't  want  to  hold  you  —  and  we're  rich  men 


THE  GENIUS  81 

now. 

OTTO.  Sure,  if  you  vant  to  tell  der  public  vat 
a  liar  ve  are  —  go  ahead ! 

VICTOR.  (On  settee  R.)  Eet  vill  be  our  revenge 
on  Clutterbuck. 

JACK.  Poor  Percy!  These  last  few  weeks  have* 
given  me  a  fellow  feeling  for  him. 

OTTO.  (L)  Now  listen;  ve  vill  agree  to  let  you 
denounce  yourself  on  two  conditions. 

JACK,  (c)  Anything  you  want  -  -  what  are 
they? 

OTTO.  (Rising  c.  to  JACK.  All  rise)  First, 
you  must  not  speak  of  love  to  Nell  till  you  are  free, 

JACK.    Well,  of  course  not. 

OTTO.  And  second,  you  must  let  us  break  der 
news  to  Mr.  Clutterbuck,  and  tell  him  vat  is  going 
to  happen  aftervards. 

JACK.    Afterwards  —  what  do  you  mean? 

VICTOR.  (Crosses  R.  c.  to  JACK)  My  friend, 
you  are  a  brave  man;  not  many  men  would  risk 
telling  ze  American  people  zat  he  had  made  a  fool 
of  zem. 

JACK.     Ah,  but  I  won't  put  it  that  way. 

BRIAN.  (R)  That's  the  way  they'll  take  it,  sure, 
they'll  be  like  wild  animals. 

OTTO.  Don't  you  remember  vat  happened  to  der 
false  pretender  in  Russia  ? 

JACK.     No.    Did  something  happen  to  him? 

OTTO.  Dose  he  had  deceived  first  killed  him, 
und  den  threw  him  down  to  an  awful  fate  at  der 
hands  of  der  waiting  populace. 

JACK.  (Faintly)  Perhaps  I'd  better  treat  the 
whole  matter  as  a  joke. 

BRIAN.    If  ye  can,  by  all  means.    Come  on,  boys, 


82  THE  GENIUS 

my  tongue  is  swellin'  with  the  things  it  wants  to 
say  to  Clutterbuck;  (They  go  up  L.  u.  E.) 

VICTOR.  (Embracing  JACK  and  then  taking  his 
hand)  Adieu,  my  friend,  we  will  often  think  of 
you.  (To  others) 

JACK.  Don't  say  it  like  that;  I  haven't  struck 
the  morgue  yet.  (VICTOR  shakes  his  head  sorrow- 
fully. To  OTTO)  I'll  give  you  ten  minutes  with 
Clutterbuck,  and  then  — 

OTTO.  Und  den  —  der  avalanche!  Now,  (Rising 
for  door  L.  3.)  vere  is  dot  Clutterbuck?  (The 
murmur  of  crowd  heard  off  R..  They  go  off  L.  u.  E. 
JACK  goes  softly  over  the  R.  arch  and  peeps  through, 
shakes  his  head,  then  slowly  feels  his  arms,  assuming 
boxing  attitude  and  makes  a  few  feinting  and  side- 
steppings.  Exit  R.  2.  E.  NELL  with  written  letter 
enters  L.  2.  E.  calling) 

NELL.  Jack,  Jack!  Fancy  my  calling  him  Jack, 
and  yet  why  shouldn't  I,  we  have  known  each  other 
over  three  weeks.  (Dress  business.  Business  with 
letter)  "Nell  dear  -  -  Don't  forget  tonight's  the 
night!  Come  around  early  and  see  the  animals 
feed.  Clutterbuck  has  had  his  evening  clothes 
varnished,  and  has  promised  to  make  all  these  Art 
critics  look  like  thirty  cents.  Many  of  the  four 
hundred  will  be  on  hand,  also  some  ladies  of  the 
Old  Guard,  with  fur  hats  and  tin  skirts,  it  certainly 
looks  alluring. 

I  hope  the  new  gown  fits,  my  typewriter  put  it 
on  for  me  yesterday,  and  I  dictated  letters  to  absent 
friends  as  she  strolled  about  the  office. 

I  sent  her  home  with  a  bottle  of  Omega  Oil  at 
6  P.  M.  Do  come !  it's  an  eternity  until  we  meet 
—  Thine,  —  Jack." 


THE  GENIUS  83 

JACK.  (R.  c.)  Ladies  and  Gentlemen,  I  wish 
to  speak  to  you  on  behalf  of  my  confreres,  etc. 
{Without  seeing  who  it  is.  Recognizing  her)  Why, 
Nell  —  I  beg  your  pardon. 

NELL,     (c)     What  on  earth  are  you  doing? 

JACK.  Just  rehearsing  for  a  speech  Pve  got  to 
make,  but  I  didn't  expect  to  see  you  here  — 

NELL.  I  came  to  see  the  boys'  work.  What 
(Crosses  down  L.  to  settee)  are  you  going  to  speak 
on? 

JACK.  I'm  going  to  show  the  white  feather ;  the 
boys  have  released  me  from  my  promise,  and  I'm 
just  going  to  quit  the  game. 

NELL.  You're  going  to  tell  the  public  that  you're 
a what  shall  I  call  it? 

JACK.     Don't  let's  call  it  anything. 

NELL.     They  won't  be  so  considerate  —  (Sits) 

JACK.  (Crosses  to  settee  L.  sits  beside  NELL) 
Anyhow,  I'm  going  to  do  it,  because  it's  the  only 
way  that  leads  to  —  (Stops  embarrassed) 

NELL.    To  honor? 

JACK.  We'll  call  it  honor  for  the  present.  But 
Nell,  I  can  tell  you  this  much;  for  the  last  week 
I've  done  nothing  but  miss  the  good  old  times  — 

NELL.     Of  two  weeks  ago? 

JACK.  You  can  laugh  at  me,  Nell,  but  my  whole 
life  consists  of  the  two  weeks  when  you  came  to 
the  studio.  Ever  since  you  left  it,  the  place  has 
been  gloomy.  Nobody's  kept  his  temper  and  — 
well,  the  meaning  has  just  gone  out  of  life  —  that's 
all. 

NELL.  (Rises  and  crosses  R.  c.)  Come,  we 
mustn't  talk  like  that,  it's  against  the  rules.  We 
must  just  let  bygones  be  bygones,  and  be  good 


84  THE  GENIUS 

| 

friends  when  we  meet. 

JACK.  (Rises  to  2.  c.)  It  seems  to  be  easy  for 
you  Nell  —  but  —  well  —  Let's  wait  and  see  what 
happens  when  I  tell  the  world  I'm  only  a  fake. 

NELL.     I'm  afraid  they  won't  like  it. 

JACK.  That's  what  the  boys  said,  but  I've  got 
to  go  through  with  it  —  or  die  a  single  impostor. 
(Enter  OTTO  L.  u.  E.  He  has  his  handkerchief  in 
his  mouth;  rushes  across,  sinks  on  divan  c.  and 
removing  his  handkerchief  bursts  into  a  roar  of 
laughter.  NELL  R.  of  settee.  JACK  L.  of  it) 

OTTO.    Ach  Gott !  Ach  Gott ! Oh !  (Laughs) 

JACK.  I'd  give  fifty  dollars  to  be  able  to  laugh 
like  that. 

NELL.    Don't  keep  it  all  to  yourself.    What  is  it? 

OTTO.  Ach,  dose  boys,  dose  boys!  I  couldn't 
stand  it;  I  had  to  leave. 

JACK.     Had  to  leave  what?  —  you  idiot. 

OTTO.  Victor  und  Brian.  They  are  telling 
Clutterbuck  vat  der  people  vill  do  to  him  ven  you 
denounce  yourself.  Der  poor  chap  is  half  crazy. 

NELL.    It's  a  shame  to  scare  him  so. 

JACK.  Do  you  mind  pointing  out  to  me  just 
where  the  humor  comes  in? 

OTTO.  If  you  could  have  seen  his  face  —  talk 
about  imagination  —  dose  boys  worked  on  his 
feelings  until  he  believes  dat  you  und  he  vill  be 
lynched.  Oh,  it  vas  so  funny  —  (Laughs.  JACK 
sitting  and  rising  business) 

JACK.  (L.  Trying  to  laugh)  Yes,  that  would  be 
quite  a  good  joke  on  both  of  us,  wouldn't  it? 

OTTO.  ( Up  L.  )  Dey  are  coming  in  here  —  Come, 
ttell,  you  must  see  der  sport.  (Taking  her  L.  to 
JACK)  Ve  vill  come  back  und  be  in  at  der  death. 


THE  GENIUS  85 

NELL.  (Coming  over  and  offering  her  hand) 
In  case  I  don't  see  you  again  till  it's  all  over,  I  wish 
you  good  luck. 

JACK.    Thank  you,  Nell  —  I  do,  too. 

OTTO.  (L)  Now,  be  careful,  Jack.  Don't  do 
anything  in  a  hurry  — 

JACK.  (Up  R.)  Oh,  I'm  tired  of  being  careful. 
(Murmur)  I  don't  care  if  the  whole  place  blows 
up.  I'm  going  to  tell  the  truth  and  take  the  conse- 
quences. Oh,  Lord!  Here  comes  the  crowd. 
(Darts  out  R.  2.  OTTO  and  NELL  off  L.  The  crowd 
begins  to  fill  up  the  stage) 

MRS.  VAN  BROWN-SMYTHE.  (Entering  with 
CYRUS  L.)  Yes,  I  give  my  little  Artistic  Teas  every 
other  Wednesday.  I  would  be  delighted  to  have 
you  and  Mrs.  Jenkins  drop  in. 

CYRUS.  (Down  to  c.  then  crosses  to  R.  c.)  Thanks, 
we'd  be  tickled  to  death.  I'm  not  much  of  an  artist 
myself.  (OTTO  and  NELL  enter  L.  followed  by 
BRIAN  and  VICTOR.  OTTO,  BRIAN  and  VICTOR 
smothering  laughter.  BRIAN  L.  c.) 

MRS.  VAN  BROWN-SMYTHE.  Oh,  since  you 
secured  your  Spencer,  the  papers  allude  to  you  as 
"The  well-known  Patron  of  Fine  Arts."  (They 
talk  aside,  OTTO,  NELL,  BRIAN  and  VICTOR  on  and 
down  L.) 

LILLY.  (Enter  R.  crosses  to  c.  below  ottoman. 
With  CYRIL  R.  c.)  And  he  looked  at  me  with  his 
beautiful  brown  eyes  and  said,  "To  the  artist 
nothing  is  bold."  Oh,  it  was  so  sweet,  I  just  wanted 
to  cry. 

CYRIL.     (To  BRIAN)     But  where  is  the  master? 

BRIAN.  One  moment!  Oh,  he'll  be  here.  I 
think  he's  going  to  give  us  a  little  talk  on  Art. 


£6  THE  GENIUS 

(Crowd  exclaims  with  delight.  PERCY  rushes  on 
wildly  L.  u.  E.) 

PERCY.  Spencer,  where  is  Spencer?  —  Ah  — 
(Meets  JACK  c.  who  enters  R.  u.  E.  and  seizes  him) 
Spencer 

JACK.  (Putting  him  off)  Not  now,  Clutterbuck, 
I've  got  a  speech  to  make. 

PERCY.  No  —  you  must  hear  me !  What  is  this 
foolish  story  your  pupils  have  been  telling  me? 
(Others  have  stopped  with  a  sort  of  hushed  awe 
as  JACK  entered.  They  now  talk  in  whispers  among 
themselvefs.  PERCY  and  JACK  down  R.) 

JACK.    You  mean  about  my  being  a  swindle? 

PERCY.     (R.  c.)     Yes,  yes! 

JACK,  (c)  That's  not  foolish;  it's  the  sober 
truth. 

PERCY.  (Noticing  the  crowd)  Hush!  They'll 
hear  you! 

JACK.     I'm  going  to  tell  them  in  a  minute  — 

PERCY.  No,  no,  you  mustn't.  We'll  pretend  to 
be  talking  about  that  picture.  (Points  to  picture  L. 
and  gesitculates.  TJie  crowd  watches  every  move- 
ment) Don't  you  see,  it  will  prevent  your  winning 
Josephine? 

JACK.  (Looking  righteous)  I  will  not  win  her 
— by  fraud. 

PERCY.    But  it  will  prevent  my  winning  her,  too. 

JACK.    How  so? 

PERCY.  I  have  called  you  the  genius  of  the 
country ;  my  artistic  reputation  is  at  stake.  If  you 
go  —  I  go. 

JACK.  Well,  I'm  sorry,  old  man,  but  I  don't 
really  see  what  I  can  do. 

PERCY.     Spencer,  you  haven't  the  heart  to  ruin 


THE  GENIUS  87 

me  in  cold  blood! 

JACK.  My  dear  boy,  I  didn't  tell  you  the  work 
was  great  —  you  told  me.  (  PERCY  makes  a  gesture 
of  despair  and  crosses  R.)  Besides,  you  can  tell 
them  you  were  mistaken,  that,  upon  reflection,  you 
don't  think  the  work  is  as  good  after  all.  We  all 
make  mistakes.  (Crosses  L.  near  piano) 

PERCY.  (Quickly  to  L.)  But,  you  don't  under- 
stand. A  critic  is  not  allowed  to  make  a  mistake. 
What  he  says,  he  has  to  sti'ck  to. 

JACK.  Oh,  you  can  find  some  way  out  of  it;  the 
people  will  find  out  anyhow,  that  I'm  only  an  ordi- 
nary sort  of  man.  (He,  by  accident,  sits  on  piano 
and  makes  a  discord.  Immediately  the  buss  of  the 
crowd  stops,  and  everyone  listens  intently,  with  an 
expression  of  complete  happiness) 

MRS.  VAN  BROWN-SMYTHE  (To  MRS.  VAN 
DUSEN)  What  a  wonderful  dissonance! 

CYRIL.  (To  LILLY)  He's  explaining  a  point  in 
harmony. 

JOSEPHINE.  (To  herself)  He  has  reached  the 
soul  of  music!  (All  talk) 

PERCY.  (To  JACK.  Movement  toward  c.) 
There,  you  see  —  look  at  that  crowd!  Do  you 
realize  the  adulation,  the  position  you  are  giving 
up? 

JACK.  (Toward  c.)  You  just  bet  I  do!  I 
haven't  made  an  honest  movement  for  three  weeks, 
but  it's  got  to  stop.  I'm  going  to  get  my  ammuni- 
tion and  then  the  fun  will  begin.  I'm  sorry  for 
you,  Clutterbuck,  but  I've  got  a  duty  to  perform, 
and  when  I  think  of  these  last  three  weeks,  the 
devil  and  all  his  angels  shan't  stop  me.  (Rushes 
offL.  i.  E.) 


88  THE  GENIUS 

OTTO.  (Coming  over  In  front  of  settee  L.  to 
PERCY)  Veil,  haf  you  convinced  him? 

PERCY.  (R.  c.)  He  won't  listen  to  reason;  he's 
determined  to  ruin  us  all. 

OTTO,  (c)  But  you  should  haf  some  influence 
over  him,  you  who  haf  guided  his  genius  from 
childhood,  who  tenderly  trained  his  budding  talents 
und  den  revealed  dem  to  der  admiring  populace? 

PERCY.     Stop!  Stop!  You'll  drive  me  mad! 

OTTO.  Dot  vould  be  a  pity!  Der  vorld  cannot 
afford  to  lose  such  a  skillful  critic!  (Crosses  to  L. 
of  settee  L.  VICTOR  L.  Enter  JACK  with  large,  flat 
parcel  PERCY  rushes  to  him) 

BRIAN.    The  Artistic  Columbus  of  America. 

PERCY.     (Wringing  his  hands)  My  reputation — 

JACK.  I  can't  help  it !  I  have  a  duty  to  perform. 
(PERCY  down  R.  JACK  crosses  L.  in  front  of  settee, 
then  turn  speak  to  OTTO)  Say,  Otto,  hold  'em 
back  all  you  can,  I'm  going  to  begin. 

OTTO.  Veil,  I'll  do  vot  I  can,  but  be  careful. 
(Joins  VICTOR,  BRIAN  and  NELL.  PERCY  sinks  in 
despair  on  bench  R.  JACK  crosses  to  L.  and  turns 
to  address  the  crowd) 

JACK.  Ladies  and  Gentlemen  —  (At  the  first 
words  the  crowd  is  absolutely  silent)  I  —  I  have 
an  important  announcement  to  make  —  (The 
crowd  does  not  move)  There  have  been  so  many 

nice  things  said  about  my about  the  work  you 

see  around  you,  that  it  is  only  fair  that  you  should 
know  —  that  —  I  —  that  is  —  (Coughs)  I  say 
that  it  is  only  just  —  that  I  should  tell  you  —  that 
—  I  —  didn't  do  it;  in  fact,  I'm  not  a  genius  at 

all  — and  never  painted  a  picture  in  my  life 

(A  murmur  from  the  crowd;  they  begin  talking 


THE  GENIUS  89 

excitedly)  I  want  to  apologize  for  appearing  to 
deceive  you,  but,  in  short,  Fm  glad  you  like  the 
work  of  my  three  friends. 

OTTO.     By  tarn!     He's  done  it  now  — 

MRS.  VAN  DUSEN.    What  does  he  say? 

MRS.  VAN  BROWN-SMYTHE.    He  is  not  a  genius  ? 

CYRUS.    Absurd ! 

CYRIL.     His  three  friends! 

Miss  TREVOR.     Nonsense etc. 

PERCY.     (R)NO,  no,  listen  to  me. 

CROWD.  (Turning  to  PERCY)  You  told  us  he 
was  a  genius.  We  have  your  word  for  it;  what 
have  you  to  say?  etc. 

PERCY.  (Standing  on  settee  R.)  Yes,  I  told  you 
he  was  a  genius,  and  I've  made  a  mistake. 

CROWD.    No,  no.    What  —  mistake  —  no. 

PERCY.  Then  I  maintain  that  he  is  a  genius.  The 
very  speech  he  is  making  proves  it.  Since  you  force 
me,  I  will  tell  you  what  is  the  matter.  My  poor 
friend  has  been  thinking  over  his  new  picture  of 
"The  Creation"  until  the  depth  of  his  thoughts  has 
unhinged  his  mind!  (The  crowd  amazed,  talk 
excitedly,  putting  their  hands  to  their  heads,  etc.) 

JACK.  (Mounting  settee  L.)  No,  that  is  not 
true ;  I  am  as  sane  as  you  are,  but  I  am  not  a  genius. 
I  am  an  imposter;  I  don't  know  anything  about 
Art !  I  don't  know  the  difference  between  a  water 
color  and  an  aqua  marine ! 

PERCY.  You  see,  his  modesty  has  taken  an  acute 
form. 

CROWD.    Yes,  yes  —  that's  it! 

JACK.  Don't  listen  to  him;  I  ought  to  know 
whether  I  am  a  genius  or  not.  I  didn't  paint  one 
of  those  pictures 


90  THE  GENIUS 

CROWD.  Your  name  is  on  them  —  you  signed 
them. 

JACK.  Yes.  I  am  a  liar  —  a  thief  —  a  stealer 
of  reputation,  an  unprincipled  scoundrel,  but  not 
a  genius! 

PERCY.    You  see  he  is  raving  mad  — 

CROWD.    Yes,  yes,  poor  fellow,  so  young,  etc. 

JACK.  (Becoming  wild)  But,  I  tell  you,  I'm 
not  mad.  Great  Scott!  Don't  you  know  the 
difference  between  a  mad  man  and  a  damn  fool? 
(LILLY  giglges)  Confound  it  all  —  I  tell  you  the 
plain  truth  for  the  first  time  in  weeks,  and  nobody 
believes  me.  What's  the  matter  with  you  people? 

CYRUS.    Oh,  he's  getting  violent  - 

CYRIL.     Send  for  an  ambulance. 

JACK.  I  never  saw  such  a  pack  of  idiots  in  my 
life.  If  you  won't  believe  me,  look  here  —  (Hastily 
taking  parcel  and  unwrapping  head  he  drew  in 
Act  II)  Maybe  this  will  convince  you  —  (Showing 
it  to  them)  there,  this  is  a  specimen  of  my  best 
work;  I  never  did  in  my  life  anything  better  than 
that.  If  that's  what  you  call  Art,  I'm  the  greatest 
'artist  that  ever  lived. 

PERCY.  (With  a  shriek  of  joy  crosses  L.  c.)  Ah, 
he  admits  it !  The  master's  own  hand  betrays  him ; 
don't  you  see  this  could  never  be  done  by  anyone 
but  a  genius?  Look  at  the  wonderful  motion,  the 
bold,  yet  suggestive  treatment!  The  depth  of 
meaning  in  every  line;  it  has  all  the  fine  points  of 
a  Millet  with  the  originality  of  a  Spencer! 

CROWD.  Yes,  yes,  we  see  —  wonderful!  Superb! 

JACK.  (Throwing  picture  away,  rushes  to  settee 
c.,  and  leaps  on  it)  You  thick  headed  flock  of 
sheep,  don't  you  see  he's  talking  Tommy  rot?  He's 


THE  GENIUS  91 

making  fools  of  you.  I  don't  know  what  a  Millet 
is,  but  if  I've  got  it  I  didn't  mean  to.  I'm  giving 
you  the  sober  truth.  Why,  up  to  three  weeks  ago, 
I  never  saw  the  inside  of  a  studio. 

CROWD.  No,  no  -  -  Clutterbuck  knows  —  you 
are  mad! 

JACK.  No,  no,  I'm  not  mad,  but  damn  it  all, 
you'll  make  me  mad  in  a  minute,  if  you  don't  listen 
to  me ;  you  ought  to  see  I'm  not  lying.  No  lie  was 
ever  so  hard  to  tell  as  this. 

PERCY.  (Crosses  c.  R.)  The  frenzy  is  coming 
on;  leave  him  with  his  pupils  —  (The  crowd  begin 
to  go  out  R.  2.  entrance  shaking  their  heads,  saying : 
"Poor  fellow/'  etc.) 

JACK.  (c.  shrieking)  But  I  tell  you  I'm  a  fake, 
an  ordinary,  everyday,  common  fake,  (Turning  to 
the  three  artists)  Boys,  tell  them  I'm  a  fake.  (R. 
B.  BRIAN  up  among  crowd.  The  crowd  turns  to- 
ward OTTO) 

OTTO.    Ja,  he  is  a  fake  — 

PERCY.  (R.  who  has  hurried  among  the  crowd) 
That's  right,  humor  him  or  it  may  get  serious. 

JACK.  (Among  crowd  R.)  No,  don't  humor 
me.  People,  people,  don't  leave  a  fellow  creature 
branded  as  a  genius  without  raising  your  hand  to 
save  him.  I'm  not  fooling  you,  I'm  a  real  fake. 

PERCY.  (Among  crowd  L.  )  Humor  him ;  tell  him 
he  is  a  fake. 

CROWD.  Yes,  yes,  you  are  a  real  fake.  (To  each 
other) 

CYRUS.     Poor  young  man. 

MRS.  VAN  BROWN-SMYTHE.     So  much  genius. 

Miss  TREVOR.  Abnormal,  —  etc.  (The  crowd 
°ff>  JACK  expostulating  with  them) 


92  THE  GENIUS 

JACK.  (Getting  hold  of  CYRIL  and  CYRUS) 
Here,  you  two,  don't  you  believe  me  ? 

CYRIL.  (Almost  in  tears)  Ah,  master,  be  calm, 
you'll  feel  better  tomorrow. 

JACK.  Oh,  you  ass!  (To  CYRUS)  You  see  Fm 
in  earnest  — 

CYRUS.  It  comes  from  giving  up  too  many 
things;  I  was  afraid  somethin'  would  happen  to 
you.  (Exit  with  CYRIL.  By  this  time  every  one  is 
off  except  NELL  and  the  three  artists.  PERCY  has 
restrained  JOSEPHINE  from  going  to  JACK,  and 
taken  her  off.  CYRIL  and  CYRUS  are  the  last  to  go) 

JACK,  (c)  Of  all  the  concentrated,  double- 
barrelled  idiots  I  ever  saw  these  people  are  the 
champions !  Not  one  of  them  believes  me,  I  wonder 
if,  Good  God !  Maybe  I  am  a  genius.  (He  sinks 
on  central  settee  in  despair.  OTTO  comes  to  him. 
VICTOR  and  BRIAN  down  R.) 

OTTO.  Also!  I  always  said  you  could  not  tell 
vat  der  public  vould  do  next  —  (To  NELL)  Tie 
up  dot  picture.  It  is  worth  its  weight  in  gold.  (She 
does  so)  I  congratulate  you  — 

JACK.     (Looking  at  him)     Huh! 

VICTOR.     (Coming  forward)  We  felicitate  you. 

JACK.  I  suppose  you  mean  that  there  is  no 
danger  now  of  our  ever  being  discovered.  That  I 
have  been  branded  a  genius,  and  in  spite  of  all  I 
can  do,  I  will  remain  a  genius  as  long  as  I  live! 

BRIAN.  But,  it'll  be  much  easier  than  before, 
sure,  you  can  do  anything  you  want  to  now;  your 
reputation  is  so  firmly  established  that  ye  can't 
harm  it. 

JACK.  (Starting  up)  But  I  --  I  (Turning  to 
VICTOR  and  BRIAN)  Boys,  ask  Nell  to  promenade 


THE  GENIUS  93 

With  you,  I've  got  some  things  to  say  to  Otto  which 
are  unfit  for  her  to  hear 

BRIAN.  (Up  R.  c.)  Come,  Nell.  (NELL  joins 
the  two  men,  and  they  go  out  R.  3.  E.  leaving  JACK 
and  OTTO.  JACK  turns  to  OTTO) 

JACK.  Otto,  look  at  me  —  hard  —  (He  does  so) 
I'm  going  to  ask  you  a  question,  and  I  want  you 
to  tell  me  the  truth. 

OTTO.  Haf  you  not  had  enough  of  der  truth  for 
von  day? 

JACK.  No,  I  must  know  one  thing  more.  (Coming 
down  c.) 

OTTO.     Veil,  ask  me  — 

JACK.  Is  there  anything  in  what  those  people 
say? 

OTTO.     You  mean  about  your  being  mad? 

JACK.  No,  no,  I  mean  during  the  last  three 
weeks  it  isn't  possible  that  I  may  have  become  a 
genius,  without  my  knowing  it.  (Orro  bursts  into 
a  loud  laugh) 

OTTO.  (Down  to  settee  L.  —  sits)  Ach  Gott !  — 
du  lieber!  --  A  Genius  Oh!  (Laughs) 

JACK,  (c)  But  I  might  as  well  be  —  I  set  a 
trap  for  Josephine  and  I've  fallen  into  it  myself. 
Think  of  it,  Otto,  I'm  doomed  to  live  for  Art  — 
Art  for  breakfast,  dinner  and  supper  —  and  all  the 
time  I've  got  to  realize  that  I'm  nothing  but  a  sort 
of  Peroxide  blonde  -  -  Oh,  Otto,  you've  taught 
young  girls  music  for  twenty  years  —  you  ought 
to  know  something  about  them. 

OTTO.     Ja  —  I  do  — 

JACK.  (Crosses  R.)  Isn't  there  any  way  I  can 
Convince  her  that  if  she  marries  me,  she  ruins  both 
our  lives? 


94  THE  GENIUS 

OTTO.  (Crosses  c.)  Veil,  dere  is  von  scheme 
you  haf  not  tried. 

JACK.    What  is  it  ? 

OTTO.  You  must  fight  fire  mit  fire;  you  must 
convince  her  that  her  interests  of  Art  demand, 
demand  dot  she  gives  you  up. 

JACK.     By  Jove !  Otto,  I  never  thought  of  that ! 

OTTO.    Tell  dot  marriage  and  genius  do  not  mix. 

JACK.  Yes,  I  see  the  idea,  Otto,  I  believe  you've 
struck  it. 

OTTO.  Tell  her  she  must  be  der  Beatrice  to  your 
Dante. 

JACK.  I  don't  know  who  Beatrice  was,  but  I'll 
play  her  across  the  board.  Now  you  just  get  her 
in  here  and  then  come  back  in  ten  minutes  with 
Nell  in  one  hand  and  a  bottle  of  carbolic  acid  in  the 
other  —  I'll  need  one  of  the  two. 

OTTO.  (Up  L.  c.  Starting  up)  All  right.  (Stops) 
Here  she  comes  now  —  looking  for  you  — 

JACK.     (R.  c.)  Who,  Nell? 

OTTO,  (c)  No,  Josephine.  Und  she  has  a  hungry- 
look  in  her  eye. 

JACK.  Wait,  stay  here  and  help  me  create  the 
proper  atmosphere.  (Grabbing  him  and  pulling 
him  down  R.)  Let  her  overhear  —  I'll  give  you 
the  cue. 

OTTO.  But  above  all  things  she  must  think  you 
love  her  madly. 

JACK.  Trust  me.  Look  out,  here  she  is!  (He 
changes  his  manner  as  JOSEPHINE  enters  L.  u.  E., 
and  pauses  on  seeing  the  two  men  talking.  They 
pretend  not  to  see  her.  Wildly,  sinking  on  settee) 
No,  no,  Otto,  I  cannot  give  her  up— 

OTTO.      (Above  settee)     Oh,  master,  think  of 


THE  GENIUS  95 

your  Art. 

JACK.  Art !  What  is  art  to  me  compared  to  Jose- 
phine ? 

OTTO.  (JOSEPHINE  up  L.  c.)  Art  is  everything 
to  you,  you  do  not  belong  to  yourself,  but  to  der 
vorld. 

JACK.  (OTTO  to  L.  of  settee)  But,  Josephine  — 
(Rises,  hand  on  OTTO'S  shoulder)  Ah,  Otto,  you 
do  not  know  what  you  ask. 

Otto.  Master,  you  know  in  your  heart  dot  you 
must  give  her  up. 

JACK.     (Turning  R.)     No  —  no  — 

OTTO.    If  you  do  not  tell  her  so (As  though 

to  go  up  L.)  I  vill! 

JACK.  (R)  What !  You  would  tell  that  sensitive 
soul  that  our  marriage  cannot  take  place?  No! 
Sooner  than  have  her  hear  one  word  of  this  —  I 
would  kill  myself!  (Facing  front) 

OTTO.  (Majestically)  And  your  Art?  (Aside 
to  him)  Go  ahead,  be  convinced  now. 

JACK.  (Sorrowfully)  True,  true.  But  oh,  I 
wish  I  could  spare  her  the  pain  of  it.  (Sinking  on 
settee) 

OTTO.  If  she  is  your  real  inspiration,  she  vill 
be  der  first  to  tell  you  dot  your  life  must  be  given 
to  your  vork. 

JACK.     (Springing  to  his  feet  —  alarmed)  And 
can  I  never  marry? 
|     O'ITO.    (Up  c.)  Yes  —  but  not  your  inspiration! 

JACK.  Yes,  yes,  you  are  right,  but  oh,  how  can 
I  tell  her  --It  would  —  (Turns  and  pretends  to 
see  JOSEPHINE  for  the  first  time)  Great  Heavens ! — 
Josephine  - 

JOSEPHINE.     (Coming    down     L.    c.)     I    have 


96  THE  GENIUS 

heard  — 

JACK.  (Turning  away  —  in  a  voice  broken  with 
grief)  You  —  have  heard. 

JOSEPHINE.    Everything ! 

JACK.  (Waving  OTTO  away)  Otto,  leave  us. 
(OTTO  silently  exits  R.  u.  E.) 

JOSEPHINE.    (c)Is  it  true?    Must  I  give  you  up? 

JACK.  It  is  for  you  to  say.  You  can  be  my 
wife  —  or  my  inspiration. 

JOSEPHINE.    Why  can  I  not  be  both? 

JACK.    Because  I  am  a  genius,  and  as  soon  as  a 
genius  marries  his  inspiration  —  it  stops  inspiring! 
(Turns  away) 
GAL— 25 

JOSEPHINE.    Is  that  true? 

JACK.  It  is  more  than  true  —  It  is  artistic. 
(Down  R.)  You  must  be  the  Beatrice  to  my  Dante 
If  you  marry  me,  the  romance  will  go  out  like  a 
candle.  (Crosses  to  c.)  Oh,  don't  you  see  that  a 
genius,  because  he  is  a  genius,  must  marry  a  woman 
and  not  an  artist  ?  He  must  have  someone  to  cook, 
and  darn  his  socks. 

JOSEPHINE.    Oh,  don't  —  (Crosses  L.  c.) 

JACK,  (c)  I  am  cruel  only  to  be  kind.  It  means 
even  more  to  me  than  to  you.  But  you  .can  imagine 
the  effect  of  a  genius  seeing  his  inspiration  in  curl- 
papers   

JOSEPHINE.  Yes,  you  are  right.  I  never  thought 
of  that  before.  Why,  marriage  is  the  worst  thing 
that  can  happen  to  Art. 

JACK,     (c)    I  give  you  my  word,  Josephine,  that 
if  you  marry  me,  you  will  find  my  Art  will  soon  die.  »- 
If  you  wish  to  believe  in  my  genius,  you  must  not 
see  me  after  Tuesday. 


THE  GENIUS  97 

JOSEPHINE.     No  ? 

JACK.  (Gently)  It  is  for  you  to  choose,  Jose- 
phine. But  if  Art  is  the  biggest  thing  in  your  life, 
you  must  give  me  up  — 

JOSEPHINE.  (Facing  front  enraptured)  Then, 
I  could  make  my  life  a  sacrifice  to  Art. 

JACK.  You  have  a  chance  to  be  a- sort  of  Joan 
of  Art. 

JOSEPHINE,  (c.  With  growing  inspiration)  Yes, 
yes.  I  will  do  it.  (Taking  JACK'S  hands)  Oh,  thank 
you,  my  friend,  for  showing  me  the  true  way  — 

JACK.    There  is  one  more  thing  —  Percy 

JOSEPHINE.    Ah,  don't  speak  of  him  now. 

JACK.  Yes,  for  this  is  the  last  time  I  may  ever 
talk  to  you.  He  loves  you,  Josephine.  Your  souls 
are  congenial,  and  it  would  make  me  happy  to  know 
that  you  returned  his  love  — 

JOSEPHINE.  It  would  make  the  sacrifice  complete. 

JACK.    Yes 

JOSEPHINE.  Then  I  will  marry  him  —  (Enter 
OTTO  and  NELL  —  stand  at  back) 

JACK.  (Taking  her  hand)  Thank  you  —  Good 
lady,  and  now  farewell.  (Dropping  her  hands  — 
crosses  L.) 

JOSEPHINE.  Do  not  grieve,  believe  me,  we  will 
both  be  happier. 

JACK.  (PERCY  enters.  Crosses  down  to  R.  c.) 
I  am  sure  of  it.  (JOSEPHINE  crosses  to  PERCY  a. 
u.  E.)  Percy,  take  her,  my  boy,  make  her  happy 

—  23. 

PERCY.     Joesphine,  what  is  the  matter? 
JOSEPHINE.     (To  him  —  starting  off  R.)  Come 

—  my  engagement  is  broken. 

PERCY.    Then  I  want  to  tell  you  that  for  years 


96  THE  GENIUS 

heard  — 

JACK.  (Turning  away  —  in  a  voice  broken  with 
grief)  You  —  have  heard. 

JOSEPHINE.    Everything ! 

JACK.  (Waving  OTTO  away)  Otto,  leave  us. 
(OTTO  silently  exits  R.  u.  E.) 

JOSEPHINE.    (c)Is  it  true?    Must  I  give  you  up? 

JACK.  It  is  for  you  to  say.  You  can  be  my 
wife  —  or  my  inspiration. 

JOSEPHINE.    Why  can  I  not  be  both? 

JACK.    Because  I  am  a  genius,  and  as  soon  as  a 
genius  marries  his  inspiration  —  it  stops  inspiring! 
(Turns  away) 
GAL— 25 

JOSEPHINE.    Is  that  true? 

JACK.  It  is  more  than  true  —  It  is  artistic. 
(Down  R.)  You  must  be  the  Beatrice  to  my  Dante 
If  you  marry  me,  the  romance  will  go  out  like  a 
candle.  (Crosses  to  c.)  Oh,  don't  you  see  that  a 
genius,  because  he  is  a  genius,  must  marry  a  woman 
and  not  an  artist  ?  He  must  have  someone  to  cook, 
and  darn  his  socks. 

JOSEPHINE.    Oh,  don't  —  (Crosses  L.  c.) 

JACK,  (c)  I  am  cruel  only  to  be  kind.  It  means 
even  more  to  me  than  to  you.  But  you  .can  imagine 
the  effect  of  a  genius  seeing  his  inspiration  in  curl- 
papers   

JOSEPHINE.  Yes,  you  are  right.  I  never  thought 
of  that  before.  Why,  marriage  is  the  worst  thing 
that  can  happen  to  Art. 

JACK,     (c)    I  give  you  my  word,  Josephine,  that 
if  you  marry  me,  you  will  find  my  Art  will  soon  die. « 
If  you  wish  to  believe  in  my  genius,  you  must  not 
see  me  after  Tuesday. 


THE  GENIUS  97 

JOSEPHINE.     No  ? 

JACK.  (Gently)  It  is  for  you  to  choose,  Jose- 
phine. But  if  Art  is  the  biggest  thing  in  your  life, 
you  must  give  me  up  — 

JOSEPHINE.  (Facing  front  enraptured)  Then, 
I  could  make  my  life  a  sacrifice  to  Art. 

JACK.  You  have  a  chance  to  be  a  sort  of  Joan 
of  Art. 

JOSEPHINE,  (c.  With  growing  inspiration)  Yes, 
yes.  I  will  do  it.  (Taking  JACK'S  hands)  Oh,  thank 
you,  my  friend,  for  showing  me  the  true  way  — 

JACK.    There  is  one  more  thing  —  Percy 

JOSEPHINE.    Ah,  don't  speak  of  him  now. 

JACK.  Yes,  for  this  is  the  last  time  I  may  ever 
talk  to  you.  He  loves  you,  Josephine.  Your  souls 
are  congenial,  and  it  would  make  me  happy  to  know 
that  you  returned  his  love  — 

JOSEPHINE.  It  would  make  the  sacrifice  complete. 

JACK.    Yes 

JOSEPHINE.  Then  I  will  marry  him  —  (Enter 
OTTO  and  NELL  —  stand  at  back) 

JACK.  (Taking  her  hand)  Thank  you  —  Good 
lady,  and  now  farewell.  (Dropping  her  hands  — 
crosses  L.) 

JOSEPHINE.  Do  not  grieve,  believe  me,  we  will 
both  be  happier. 

JACK.  (PERCY  enters.  Crosses  down  to  R.  c.) 
I  am  sure  of  it.  (JOSEPHINE  crosses  to  PERCY  R. 
u.  E.)  Percy,  take  her,  my  boy,  make  her  happy 

—  23. 

PERCY.    Joesphine,  what  is  the  matter? 
JOSEPHINE.     (To  him  —  starting  off  R.)  Come 

—  my  engagement  is  broken. 

PERCY.    Then  I  want  to  tell  you  that  for  years 


98  THE  GENIUS 

I  have (They  exit  R.  u.  E.) 

JACK.  (Following  them  to  R.  c.)  Phew!  Otto, 
if  I  ever  in  my  life  tell  another  lie  —  (Giro  and 
NELL  come  down) 

OTTO.    Veil  vot  has  happened? 

JACK.  (R.  c.)  Josephine  has  chosen  Art  and 
Percy,  and  thrown  me  over.  I'm  going  to  retire 
permanently  and  let  you  pupils  carry  on  the  work. 

NELL.  (L.  c.)  As  pupils  of  Spencer,  your  future 
is  assured  — 

JACK.  Yes,  but  I  want  to  talk  about  my  own 
future. 

OTTO,     (c)     Veil,  in  der  first  place  — 

JACK.  Otto,  if  you're  looking  for  the  ice- water 
—  you'll  find  it  in  the  front  room  —  (Music  cue 
ready) 

OTTO.    Ice- water? 

JACK.  Yes  —  out  that  way  —  (Points  out  R.  u. 
E.) 

OTTO.  (Taking  the  hint)  Oh,  excuse  me. 
(Exits  L.  u.  E.) 

JACK.  (Taking  NELL'S  hand  as  she  'starts  to 
move  away)  Nell,  I  told  you  I'd  lose  no  time  the 
minute  I  was  free.  Come,  let's  go  somewhere  and 
forget  that  Art  exists.  There's  a  real  world  out 
there,  full  of  real  men  and  women,  and  real  happi- 
ness and  sorrow.  Let's  go  and  live  in  it  and  be 
real  people.  Life  is  calling  to  us,  Nell,  will  you 
come?  Will  you? 

NELL.    Will  I  what? 

JACK.    Oh,  you  know  —  go  on  — 

NELL.  (Turning  to  him)  Yes Yes.  (JACK 

takes  her  in  his  arms.  The  three  artists  come  on  at 


THE  GENIUS  99 

back.    They  see  JACK  and  NELL,   and   turn  their 
backs,  pretending  to  discuss  the  pictures) 
-:-  CURTAIN  -:- 


BILLETED. 

A  comedy  in  3  acts,  by  F.  Tennison  Jesse  and  H.  Harwoo<?.     4 

lies,    5    femaleg.     One   easy    interior  scene.      A   charming  comedy, 

mstructed    with    uncommon    skill,    and    abounds    with    clever    lines. 

Margaret  Anglin's  big  success.     Amateurs  will  find  this  comedy  easy 

to  produce  and  popular  with  all  audiences.  Price,  69  Cents. 

NOTHING  BUT  THE  TRUTH. 

A  comedy  in  3  acts.  By  James  Montgomery.  5  males,  6  females. 
Costumes,  modern.  Two  interior  scenes.  Plays  2#!  hours. 

Is  it  possible  to  tell  the  absolute  truth — even  for  twenty-four  hours? 
It  is — at  least  Bob  Bennett,  the  hero  of  "Nothing  But  the  Truth," 
accomplished  the  feat.  The  bet  he  made  with  his  business  partners, 
and  the  trouble  he  got  into — with  his  partners,  his  friends,  and  his 
fiancee — this  is  the  subject  of  William  Collier  s  tremendous  comedy 
hit.  "Nothing  But  the  Truth"  can  be  whole-heartedly  recommended 
as  one  of  the  most  sprightly,  amusing  and  popular  comedies  that  this 
country  can  toast.  Price,  60  Cent*. 

IN  WALKED  JIMMY. 

A  comedy  in  4  acts,  by  Minnie  Z.  Jaffa.  10  males,  2  females  (al- 
though any  number  of  males  and  females  may  be  used  as  clerks, 
etc.).  Two  interior  scenes.  Costumes,  modern.  Plays  2J^  hours. 
The  thing  into  which  jimmy  walked  was  a  broken-down  shoe  factory, 
when  the  clerks  had  all  been  fired,  and  when  the  proprietor  was  in 
serious  contemplation  of  suicide. 

Jimmy,  nothing  else  but  plain  Jimmy,  would  have  been  a  mysterious 
figure  had  it  not  been  for  his  matter-of-fact  manner,  his  smile  and 
his  everlasting  humanness.  He  put  the  shoe  business  on  its  feet,  won 
the  heart  of  the  girl  clerk,  saved  her  erring  brother  from  jail,  escaped 
that  place  as  a  permanent  boarding  house  himself,  and  foiled  the 
villain. 

Clean,  wholesome  comedy  with  just  a  touch  of  human  nature,  just 
a  dash  of  excitement  and  more  than  a  little  bit  of  true  philosophy 
make  "In  Walked  Jimmy"  one  of  the  most  delightful  of  plays. 
Jimmy  is  full  of  the  religion  of  life,  the  religion  of  happiness  and 
the  religion  of  helpfulness,  and  he  so  permeates  the  atmosphere  with 
his  "religion"  that  everyone  is  happy.  The  spirit  of  optimism,  good 
cheer,  and  hearty  laughter  dominates  the  play.  There  is  not  a  dull 
moment  in  any  of  the  four  acts.  We  strongly  recommend  it. 

Price,  60  Cents. 

MARTHA   BY-THE-DAY. 

An  optimistic  comedy  in  three  acts,  by  Julie  M.  Lippmann,  author 
of  the  Martha"  stories.  5  males,  5  females.  Three  interior  scenes. 
Costumes  modern.  Plays  21/*  hours. 

It  is  altogether  a  gentle  thing,  this  play.  It  is  full  of  quaint  hu- 
mor, old-fashioned,  homely  sentiment,  the  kind  that  people  who  see 
the  play  will  recall  and  chuckle  over  to-morrow  and  the  next  day. 

Miss  Lippmann  has  herself  adapted  her  very  successful  book  for 
stage  service,  and  in  doing  this  has  selected  from  her  novel  the  most 
telling  incidents,  infectious  comedy  and  homely  sentiment  for  the 
play,  and  the  result  is  thoroughly  delightful.  Price,  60  Cents. 

(The  Above  Are  Subject  to  Royalty  When  Produced) 
SAMUEL  FRENCH,  28-30  West  38th  Street.  New  York  City 

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De  Mille,  W.C. 
The  genius. 


PS3507 

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G4 


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DAVIS 


win 


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le,    W.C. 
genius. 


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